It's bad manners for hosts to not go out of their way to make everyone to feel included and comfortable. I know you know I'm not
suggesting that rudeness should be illegal, only that it should carry more weight with our saintly neighbors.
I guess the reason no one comments on Jews is that they don't proselytize. Here is guide I found for goyim or I gather anyone who is not orthodox. Anyone that knows more about this please feel free to correct at any point. I don't claim much practical knowledge and this guide may not be kosher.;)
If you are married, you may find the social climate a bit more welcoming. You still need to maintain some reserve –
especially around Jews of the opposite sex. And hospitality remains one-sided. They can invite you to their place for dinner.
And you can’t reciprocate. Relax and enjoy it.
Here are a few social "Do’s":
Do attend a bar/bat mitzvah, a wedding, a Shabbat meal when invited. go. These are considered religious rather than
social occasions.
Do be cordial and polite. To maintain your reserve, it helps to be a bit formal. Since the Jewish community is rather
mannerly anyway, you are not going to feel out of place.
Do send Jewish friends holiday cards for Rosh HaShanah, Hanukkah, and Pesakh if you wish. Yes, you are
cultivating your social relationship by doing so, but you are primarily encouraging your friends in the practice of
their Jewish traditions and mitzvot. And that’s a good thing.
Do contribute to organizations that bring Jewish men and women together. This is an especially appropriate form of
tzedekah (charity) for unmarried non-Jews.
Do introduce Jewish friends to each other.
And a few social "Don’ts":
Don’t ask a Jew for a date.
Don’t accept a date from a Jew.
Don’t fix up a Jewish friend with a non-Jewish friend.
Don’t invite Jews to your house or elsewhere, especially when you expect to serve refreshments. (An exception
could be made if you have been working with your local Orthodox rabbi and can meet kashrut guidelines for your
event.)
If you have been invited to a Jewish family’s home for any occasion, go but don’t think you are supposed to
reciprocate. You’re not.
Don’t give Jews edible or potable gifts – unless you know that they are kosher.
Don’t drink wine in unavoidable social situations with Jews. According to Jewish halakha, Jews are forbidden from
drinking wine in social situations with non-Jews. That’s because wine is thought to loosen social inhibitions and to
lead to inappropriate relationships. Kashrut laws around wine reinforce this principle. What makes a wine kosher –
aside from making sure that it does not have any non-kosher ingredients – is that it is touched only by Jews at key
points in the process. If fact, if you touch an open unpasteurized bottle of kosher wine, you make it non-kosher for
Jews. An except to the rule against sharing wine with Jews occurs at a religious occasion – a Shabbat meal, a
wedding, a bar/bat mitzvah, a brit milah (circumcision). These are not considered social occasions and you will
usually be offered wine. It is okay to accept, though if a rabbi is available, you might want to check.
Don't mislead anyone about your marital status.
Don’t attend a wedding, especially the religious portion, between a Jew and a non-Jew.
If you are a minister, do not perform the wedding between a non-Jew and a Jew.
The above Do’s and Don’t are designed to help bring you into the appropriate relationship with the observant Jewish
community. Strictly speaking, they apply to your relationships with any Jew – observant or not. But while observant Jews
will understand and be grateful for such behavior, liberal and secular Jews may think you have gone off the deep end – even
as they complain about loss of Jewish identity, the high number of Jews marrying non-Jews, and so on. How to behave with
them is an interesting question, something that is worth discussing in another forum. – KENNETH GUENTERT |
