friday's funnies...
Q: What did the Cannibal wear to the ball?
A: Someone's Birthday suit.
Q. What did the canibal do when he dumped his girlfriend?
A. Wiped his ass.
Two cannibals were sitting by a fire. The first says, "Gee, I hate my mother-in-law." The 2nd cannibal replied, "So, try potatoes.
A man gets captured by cannibals and every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food.
Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "You can kill me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks."
Q. How can you tell when two cannibals really trust each other?
A. They're having oral sex.
Q: What does a cannibal say when he see's a man in a hammock?
A: MMMMMMM, Breakfast in bed...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~One day little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he could buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday.
Little Johnny's father said, "Johnny, we have a $100,000 mortgage on the house, and you want me to buy you a bicycle? Wait until Christmas."
Christmas came around, and Little Johnny asked again.
His father said, "Well, the mortgage is still extremely high, sorry about that. Ask me again some other time."
Well, about three days later, Little Johnny was seen walking out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase.
His father felt sorry for him, and asked him why he was leaving.
Little Johnny said, "Yesterday I was walking past your room, and I heard you yelling that you were pulling out, and mommy said that you should wait because she was coming too, "And I'll be DAMNED if I get stuck with a $100,000 mortgage!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens.
"It opens at noon," answers the clerk.
About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker. "What time does the bar open?" he asks.
"Same time as before... Noon," replies the clerk.
Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered, "Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?"
The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I can have room service send something up to you."
"No... I don't wanna git in... Ah wanna git OUT!!!"
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The English teacher asked the class to write about an unusual
event that happened during the past week.
Little Stumpy got up and read his essay. It began, "Daddy fell
into the well last week..."
"My goodness!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he all right?"
"He must be," said the boy. "He stopped yelling for help
yesterday."
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A traveler was stumbling through the desert, desperate for water, when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to find a little old peddler sitting at a card table with a bunch of neckties laid out. The parched wanderer asked, "Please, I'm dying of thirst, can I have
some water?" The man replied, "I don't have any water, but why don't you buy a tie? Here's one that goes nicely with your clothes." The desperate man shouted, "I don't want a tie, you idiot, I need water!" "OK, don't buy a tie. But to show you what a nice guy I am, I'll tell you that over that hill there, about 5 miles, is a nice restaurant. Walk that way, and they'll give you all the water you want." The man thanked the peddler and walked away towards the hill and eventually disappeared out of sight. Three hours later he returned. The man at the card table said, "I told you, about 5 miles over that hill. Couldn't you find it?" "I found it all right. They wouldn't let me in without a tie..."
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Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Biology
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g. abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I,O & U.
Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section".
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.
Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.
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and finally...
Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport
Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
Technology
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.
Religious Education
Q: What is a Hindu?
A: It lays eggs.
have a great weekend...
pops |
