The following is for employers or prospective employers. Samples of employee performance appraisals
Chas (by way of iHub JOKES thread)
These quotes were taken from actual employee performance evaluations:
-"Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."
-"His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."
-"I would not allow this employee to breed."
-"This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a won't-be."
-"Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
-"When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."
-"He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
-"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
-"He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
-"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
-"This employee should go far, and the sooner the better."
-"Got a full six-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."
-"A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
-"He doesn't have ulcers, but he is a carrier."
-"He's been working with glue too much."
-"He would argue with a signpost."
-"He has a knack for making strangers immediately."
-"He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
-"When his IQ reaches 50, we should sell."
-"If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."
-"A prime candidate for natural deselection."
-"Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."
-"Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
-"Has two brains: one is lost, the other is out looking for it."
-"If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
-"If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
-"If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
-"Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
-"Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes."
-"The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead." |
