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Politics : Sharks in the Septic Tank

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To: Neocon who wrote (11896)	4/18/2001 6:25:20 PM
From: Lane3	Read Replies (2) of 82486

It is just not where you want to go.....LOL! I don't think that dismissal was called for. I'm not sure of your intent with that essay so I can't say you didn't achieve it. All I can say is that I can't follow it. You describe how people perceive and interact with our world and then, out of the blue you bring up this other world to contrast with it. What other world? Mars? You spend a whole lot of words describing the first world and barely sketch the second one. You seem to be setting up a dichotomy but it's not clear what the differences between the two are. I think the essay would be no less effective if you just left that paragraph out altogether and went straight to purpose. As it is, it looks like you just ran out of steam when you got to the main point. Like an essay test in school where the teacher calls "time" when you're about two thirds of the way through your point. Perhaps you were expecting an argument on substance like you would get from a typical post. Since this one was all bundled up like an essay, I critiqued it instead as would an editor. While I have my editor's hat on, how could you be such a good writer and be oblivious of the usage of that and which? So there. <g> Karen

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