OH HOW RICH. Your little pea brain spent two days with the utmost arguments you could muster: "Colon", and "WHOOOOSSSSSHHHHH"!! When I asked you to take center stage, I had no idea you would make such a complete and utter ass of yourself. I had no idea you would self destruct and expose youir phoniness for all to see!
But then, at that time I was not aware of your IQ or your EQ!! HA!, HA!, HA!! (how does your Colon feel?!!)
They buried Dirt under the manure pile; because Dirt was Dirt; that was all...but that is getting ahead of the story!
He was born JLallen, smaller than normal and with the sloping forehead indicative of low intelligence. His most odd feature, however, was a huge mare's nose which hung down over his distended lips.
He did not walk till he was three and sucked the teat till he was seven. He was to remain frail all of his life, and never developed a vocabulary of more than a few words.
It was the mare's nose that destroyed his years of puberty. His parents started feeding him from a nosebag when it became obvious that he was unable to keep his equine nose out of the plate, which caused food to be sprayed every which way.
Nobody was able to predict that this ugly and stupid lad would grow up to hate his loving parents with such a black passion. He resented them for not shooting him when they first saw his mare's nose as he left the womb. When Jlallen looked in the mirror he saw the face of a horse--huge teeth, distended lips. He vowed to find a way to kill himself, and he indulged in the fantasy daily.
His one pleasure was in tunnelling into the manure pile--especially when fresh manure had just been dumped unto it. His father would find him there, only his feet sticking out, his mare's nose buried deep in the pig manure, the steamy heat enclosing his frail body in its womb-like embrace. It was from that first moment that all the family began to call JLallen, DIRT. And it was not long before his birth name had been forgotten, and he began to answer to the name of DIRT--and no other.
There was another aspect to Dirt's life. He was extremely religious. Every day he kneeled beside his virgin mother, Teresa, and they brayed and prayed till the coyotes would begin to howl in the nearby woods. Teresa was proud of her ugly kid's suffering, and she delighted when he returned from the manure pile with the hot dung streaming off his face, and clinging to the insides of his huge equine nostrils. She would quote the bible to little Dirt, where God commanded, "Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces." Or she would quote: "And thou shalt eat it as barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man."
Thus did dirt learn to eat dung, and Teresa was well pleased.
When Dirt got sick (as he often did), Teresa would not give him medicine, but simply quoted from the bible, "Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord: And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up." Then she would kiss little DIRT on his mare's nose, as he lay tossing in fever: "this is from baby Jesus."
One day Dirt wandered into the field where a huge hopper of oats had been left on the ground tarp for some further drying. Dirt had always had a fondness for oats; the trouble was--once he pressed his mare's nose into the delicious kernels--he found it well nigh impossible to stop. Tragedy stalked the frail boy as he walked across the field toward the feast that awaited him...
______________________________________________
That night, just as the fingers of dawn began to squeeze the full breasts of earth, Jake Neufeld's prime stallion, RAMROD, felt a frisky tingling creep across his belly. He leapt the six foot corral and headed into the upper forty, where the sweet smell of oats beckoned to him like a lover. As he reached the redolent pile, he suddenly found himself reacting to a different sort of smorgasbord.
Jlallen was curled on his side in a foetal position, his huge ass angled slightly toward the sky. DIRT was swollen and bloated to a point near death. His breathing was laboured and irregular, his long nose encrusted with the demon oats.
Well, old Ramrod knew sexual breathing when he heard it. He took one adoring look at DIRT'S mare's nose, and then he looked east to Moses the sun god as he peeked over the lowest mountain top-then he straddled the territory of his domain, and he sowed more oats as an act of the power of equine prayer.
______________________________________________
It was six hours before a stretch limousine pulled off of the little road allowance and a tall and handsome gentleman climbed from the back seat and walked toward the blood soaked figure who moaned and begged for death. His life's blood was almost spent, and consciousness struggled with one last feeble effort to hold back the blackness of eternity, as invisible demons brushed their icy fingers across his drying lips.
"Grab my bag, FAST!", the stranger ordered in a commanding voice, "and heat some water from that pond over there by that rock pile." Quickly, the limousine driver followed the orders.
DIRT'S colon was tangled on the ground. There was probably six feet of looping intestine--ripped and torn. After controlling the bleeding, he took the medical instruments from his bag, together with anaesthetics, sutures, and mysterious ointments. "It will be close", he told his chauffeur with a grim face. "He has lost much blood; and this will cost him more."
For six hours the stranger worked to save the life of this unknown man with the mare's nose. First he removed the man's vagus nerve, then he began to position the man's colon (that little which he was able to save) around his internal cavities. As he worked, he rubbed the strange ointments into the terrible wounds that covered the man's vital parts. In the end, he was unable to do anything with the anus, as it was absolutely destroyed. He was forced, therefore, to build a protective pipe around the esophageal tube--using parts of DIRT's corset. He then wound the colon around the pipe and brought it back in near the voice box.
It was this imaginative action which saved DIRT's life. Filth and dung would issue from his mouth till the end of his days, but his mother, Teresa was delighted at the daily suffering this brought him.
Never having had more than a token vocabulary, DIRT now introduced the word, "Colon" to his simple mind. He knew his colon was in his mouth and that that made him a special person. The townspeople came to expect with amusement that the diminutive man with the equine nose would end many of his sentences with the word, "Colon".
As for the tall man with the ebony bag and the long black car, well, when the shiny vehicle with the license plate reading SOLON, MD., drove back onto the main highway--it was not seen again in that dinky little part of the world!
As for the results of the operation, these posts of Jlallen (DIRT) show clearly that he recovered his full intellectual capacity!--LOL!!
http://www.siliconinvestor.com/readmsg.aspx?msgid=15745982
My, you are a judgmental windbag, aren't you?
JLA
Http://www.siliconinvestor.com/readmsg.aspx?msgid=15747459
LOL! Did I hurt'ems widdle feewings?? Guess I must have hit a nerve, eh Colon?? JLA
Http://www.siliconinvestor.com/readmsg.aspx?msgid=15748469
Hah! Don't you mean exposing your own pomposity and highly gaseous nature of your posts, Colon????? LOL!!! JLA
Http://www.siliconinvestor.com/readmsg.aspx?msgid=15748967
What can I say? I love puncturing pompous gasbags. I enjoy it immensely. I really enjoy your responses. Keep them coming.... WHOOOOOOOOOSSSHHHHHH!!!!!
JLA
Http://www.siliconinvestor.com/readmsg.aspx?msgid=15749146
I especially love it when you try to rationalize your obvious personal attacks, the very thing for which you have criticized me!! LOL!! WHOOOOOOOOOOSSSHHHH!!!!!!
JLA
Http://www.siliconinvestor.com/readmsg.aspx?msgid=15749268
Respond?? Sounds like Clintonesque hairsplitting to me. More rationalization. LOL!! And then adding more gratuitous ad hominems to insults never uttered. LOL!! You are a beaut!! Too easy. WHOOOOOSSSSSHHHHH!!!
Http://www.siliconinvestor.com/readmsg.aspx?msgid=15749299
Hey you old phony you! G'Mornin'. What do you think of your old buddy, Colon, now? Do you remember seeing a bigger gas bag hypocrite on these threads??
JLA
Http://www.siliconinvestor.com/readmsg.aspx?msgid=15749480
LOL! I guess I see it differently, Colon. I think you've been sufficiently "outed" however.
WHOOOOOSSSSSHH!!!!
JLA
Http://www.siliconinvestor.com/readmsg.aspx?msgid=15749603
Where ya been? Everybody knows who I am!! I was around long before you Colon. But you keep up that gaseous judgmentalism now, ya heah!!
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
JLA
Http://www.siliconinvestor.com/readmsg.aspx?msgid=15749646
Perhaps. With a pompous windbag like Colon, its kind of amusing to see the result when he gets a taste of his own medicine. I found his response ever so amusing..... and totally predictable.
JLA
Http://www.siliconinvestor.com/readmsg.aspx?msgid=15749701
LOL!! You seem to be doing must of the sputtering Colon.
Http://www.siliconinvestor.com/readmsg.aspx?msgid=15749813
Carry on, Kiddo! Your posts are quite revealing, aren't they!!
That's the idea!!!! And thanks for helping out!
WHOOOOOSSSSSHHHH!!!!!!!
JLA
Http://www.siliconinvestor.com/readmsg.aspx?msgid=15749860
O, Colon, do you really beleive that drivel??
LOL!!
JLA
Http://www.siliconinvestor.com/readmsg.aspx?msgid=15750057
Coming from someone posting personal insults behind an arguably pompous alias, I find the charge of cowardice extraordinarily amusing, Colon. Now do you get it? LOL!!
Thanks again for your coooperation.
JLAllen
Http://www.siliconinvestor.com/readmsg.aspx?msgid=15750072
Poor widdle Colon. boo-hoo. LOL!
JLA
Http://www.siliconinvestor.com/readmsg.aspx?msgid=15750686
Thank you for your kind words, Colon. JLA
Http://www.siliconinvestor.com/readmsg.aspx?msgid=15752497
You "ignorant" pup! Don't you know better than to question a "solon".
hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
I think we've seen the last of that gasbag for today anyway. Never fear however, I'm sure he'll return to pollute the discussion tomorrow.
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
JLA
Http://www.siliconinvestor.com/readmsg.aspx?msgid=15753204
Defeat? What defeat? You've been sufficiently outed.
WHOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
JLA |
