Hi Holly, How nice to see you!!
I'm escaping my dirty house. We;re having the cast party here this weekend, and there is so much to do, that I am rendered impotent by it all.
One last small Ammo story and I will head to Costco.
I sent him to the store the other day with a tiny list of things for dinner. On it was
MUSHROOMS
CAN OF MAXWELL HOUSE COFFEE- LITE
PACKET OF GOOD SEASONINGS ITALIAN DRESSING MIX
FROZEN BROCCOLI SPEARS.
He said he'd better take the cellphone in case he ran into problems. I couldn't imagine what possible problems he could have with this list, but ok..
Within five minutes the phone rings.
"MOM!" he says in a frustrated tone. "Did you intentionally pick stuff they don't have?"
Coffee?
Mushrooms?
Yes, these are rare and unusual items, I tell him, but I feel sure Tom Thumb has them.
Well, he had found the mushrooms, but couldn't find the coffee. He found the coffee aisle, but swore they didn't have Maxwell House. I talked him through it- blue can, words Maxwell House, the word lite is written in yellow in script.... he argued and argued and then there was a silence. "Oh- wait. Here it is. All those blue cans look alike. Now what's a pouch of dropping?" He can't read my writing and argues with me about what I wrote, swearing I wrote pouch of droppings; we compromise on bottled dressing. It was just easier.
Next the broccoli--there is no broccoli.
"Are you in the frozen food aisle?"
"No, I'm back at the mushrooms. Broccoli is a vegetable, mom." Patronizing tone.
"Read the list to me, Ammo."
Frozen broccoli spears."
"What do you think that means?" I can do patronizing, too.
Silence. I can hear him stomping through the store, muttering something about McDonald's.
"There;s no broccoli here."
I make him read me all the vegetables in the freezer. Corn, beans, limas, okra-- he hates vegetables. He says this is making him sick, seeing all these disgusting things, that he won't be able to eat dinner, anyway.
Chopped broccoli.
"Good- now spears should be right there with the chopped."
"Well, it's not. Spears - that's the fuzzy part of the little tree, right?" Pause- I do not deign to answer. "Mom-- do you mean FLORETS?"
For once I am rolling MY eyes. "Yes-good florets! Get them. that's fine."
"OK."
But here's the weird part...
He gets home and when I unpack the broccoli, the box says in big letters, broccoli SPEARS.
I don't even ask. |
