... "pay attention while I describe our operation here at PEST."
Muffy listened intently while Erroll talked about the early days at PEST, when there were several volunteers whose primary focus was to identify misfits who thought the entire world was controlled by an all encompassing conspiracy.
He then talked about how he came to be "PEST Control". It had been Erroll's idea to organize the masses. He spent months searching out deep pockets investors willing to spend their hard earned dollars debunking the world conspiracy theory.
During that time, he ran into many well-to-do people who actually supported the notion that a conspiracy ran rampant through governments, schools, churches, benevolent organizations, Police Departments, etc. Yes, it's hard to believe, but there are some whackos who really believe that stuff. Erroll, always the one to leverage an opportunity when he saw it, devised a clever plan to milk the dollars from the conspiracy believers, as well as the conspiracy nay-sayers.
He had a huge headquarters building constructed in an "H" shape. The crossbar of the "H" is where the administration functions of PEST would reside. Accounting, Human Resources, Corporate Development, etc.
The left "leg" of the "H" was where the initial group of volunteers would have their offices. It was a close knit group of hard workers, all striving hard to rid the world of those conspiracy theorists. They called themselves "PEST", for "Persons Emphasizing Sociopathic Tendencies".
The right "leg" of the "H" was where the newer group of volunteers who actually believed all the conspiracy nonsense would have their offices. They called themselves "PEST", for "Persons Exhibiting Sociopathic Tendencies".
Erroll was proud of his genius-level plan. Neither group knew the other was actually working the other side of the argument. They all belonged to PEST. They were all volunteers, except for the corporate group that worked in the crossbar of the "H".
When the corporate fund raisers went out to solicit funds from well wishers, the first question they would ask is whether the potential benefactor believed in a worldwide conspiracy. If they didn't, then the fund raisers would present the "Emphasizing" literature, which debunks the theory. If they did believe it (why?), they would be given enough literature to prove the existence of the conspiracy, and were then asked to join PEST by providing funds. Those benefactors would be given the "Exhibiting" literature.
It was foolproof! PEST's bank accounts ballooned quickly. Erroll invested the excess funds in T-Bills, Amusement Park construction, and High-Tech toys. He doesn't like to admit it, but he shorted several high flying dot coms. The rest is history.
"Incredible!", said Muffy. "You mean people actually bought into this scam?"
Erroll smiled briefly. "Scam?", he said? "How can it be a scam when we're giving people what they want? Whether they believe in the conspiracy theory, or debunk it ... PEST supports them with enough literature to support their position. We give people what they want."
While Muffy considered this bizarre operation, Precious had been busy counting things. She counted the people in the room. She counted the number of electrical outlets. This was tricky, because there were multiple categories of outlets. Those that had a cord plugged into them, those that didn't, and those that had extension cords plugged into them which themselves had one or more cords plugged into them. It was a fascinating study in cognitive reality.
Erroll had been watching Precious through this whole process. He asked her how she had developed this desire to count everything.
"Gosh, it was easy", said Precious. "Somebody told me way back when I was in the orphanage that there are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who can't. I wanted to be in the group that could count."
Erroll, recognizing the opportunity to exploit this unusual personality, offered Precious a job in the PEST Accounting Department. She accepted immediately. She then began counting the number of flourescent light bulbs in the ceiling above.
Muffy, having considered the various repercussions of raising a ruckus (none of which seemed positive to her continued existence), decided she'd play along with Erroll until she could find a way to escape this weirdness.
So, she offered to help Erroll and PEST in any way she could.
"Excellent!", said Erroll. "I know your background and indepth knowledge of corporate structures will benefit us immensely. As part of our corporate staff, you'll have a full benefits package, a car, and a huge expense account. Precious will be solely responsible for counting your expenses."
Bugs Pond, having been quiet for a long time during the overview discussion, finally spoke up ... |
