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Technology Stocks : LAST MILE TECHNOLOGIES - Let's Discuss Them Here
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To: Raymond Duray who wrote (11301)5/26/2001 1:32:20 PM
From: Geof Hollingsworth  Read Replies (1) of 12823
 
Pacbell announces network reliability goals in sight

17:59 GMT-04:00 Friday, May 24, 2001

By Mike Keister

SAN FRANCISCO (Prevaricator News Network)-Pacific Bell announced today that it was within shouting distance of meeting its goal of bringing the network reliability of its DSL service up to the availability provided by the cable industry. “If we can run the rest of the year with no outages, we will have achieved our 2 nines availability target”, crowed H. (call me Hughie) Louis Dewey, Company spokesperson from the PR form of Dewey, Cheatem and Howe. “We are particularly proud of the progress made in resolving service outages quickly”, Mr. Dewey went on. “Why, in 1999, it took us 3 days to bring the network back up. We have improved that performance by over 60% since then, with major outages rarely taking more than a day to fix.” When pressed about the yesterday’s statewide outage Mr. Howe denied that the recent mass brain transplant from PacBell execs to the executives of PG & E contributed in any way to the outage. “We conducted exhaustive tests and determined that none of the Pac Bell execs had used their brains in years, so the fact that they are now officially brainless should have no noticeable effect on network performance”, said Dewey. “Given the clear lack of brainpower at PG&E, we thought that donating our executives’ brains was the least we could do to help resolve our energy crisis. And doing the least we can do is an important part of our corporate culture”.

With the Network reliability target in sight, the Company is planning to shift its energies to a new campaign. They would like to bring their reputation for customer service up to the level of the Airline Industry.

With apologies to NPR….
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