As Bugs continued to ponder his self-imposed dilemma, the waiter grew impatient waiting for the return of his "toothpick". He had been trying to quit smoking, and the ice pick served the dual purpose of "toothpick" and "adult pacifier". Not having anything within arm's length to preoccupy his hands and his lips, he did what anyone trying to quit would do. After leering menacingly for a prolonged second at both Muffy and Precious, he rejected the imprudent thoughts in his mind and instead reached into the deepest recesses of his waiter's apron and slowly removed a single cigarette he was saving for an emergency situation, and this scene certainly qualified as an emergency. He gingerly unfolded the cigarette and carefully rolled it on the table, bringing it back somewhat to its normal state. Digging into his pants' pocket he found his last match and proceeded to strike it.
Up to this point, Bugs was lost deep in his own thoughts. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the initial flash of the match. "No!!!", he screamed at the top of his lungs. But, alas, it was too late. The vapors from the mixing bowl where Octopussy was marinating ignited, and there was a huge explosion. As luck would have it, history repeats itself. The prior week, on this very stage, Gallagher had given a performance where the audience was inundated with all sorts of flying fruits and vegetables (flattened watermelons, squished apples and mashed grapes, not to mention the Crisco shortening and canned Spam). The audience had expected that though, and had covered themselves with sheet plastic. Not so today. This week it would be Octopussy tentacles splayed forth over the entire audience. The women screamed, while the men tried in vain to remove the yuck from themselves and their loved ones. The little girl that had earlier answered to the call of Nature felt yet another sudden urge to visit the ladies' facilities.
Octopussy was gone, forever.
Bugs stood there aghast, mouth gaped wide-open, with his body hair singed. No eyebrows, nor eyelashes.
Muffy and Precious were blackened by a form of soot.
Errol and Meryl were in shock, but otherwise okay.
Somewhere in the audience sat a lonely, overweight figure. "Mmmmmm.... I just love calamari!" said the man. Bugs stared in disbelief at the man eating what was left of Octopussy. As the curtain closed, Bugs could see the man was wearing a name tag that identified him as "Charlie". With tears welling in his eyes, Bugs vowed to avenge Octopussy's humiliating demise as "Calamari Charlie" continued to devour Octopussy's remains.
The curtain closed.
After a taking a minute to compose himself, Bugs rushed out to the theatre seats to find Charlie, but the man had already left. Rushing to the lobby, Bugs slipped on a stray tentacle and crashed into the wall hard. As he started to black out, Bugs saw.... |
