76 reasons the 76ers can storm back to overtake Lakers
You know:
1. Because of the power of prayer. Don't forget that two of America's four Roman Catholic saints - Saint Katharine Drexel and Saint John Neumann - hail from Philadelphia, so if any city should believe in miracles, it's this one.
2. Because of Raja Bell.
3. Because remember the vast NBA conspiracy that guided the Sixers over Milwaukee? Don't you think that Commissioner David Stern, NBC and the refs will bring the conspiracy back to ensure record TV ratings for Games 6 and 7 in L.A.?
4. Because Beck Weathers did it. The Texas physician, suffering from a hypothermic coma, was left for dead by his fellow mountain climbers in the 1996 Everest disaster that killed nine others. Somehow, the frostbitten Weathers woke up and walked into camp on his own power.
5. Because if the Sixers don't win tonight, we have absolutely nothing to put on our front page for the first four days of next week.
6. Because still short a power forward, the Sixers offer a 10-day contract to 6'4" Eric Lindros. He's tanned, rested and ready - and minority owner Ed Snider is already paying the guy millions.
7. Because the 1975 New York Islanders did it - one of only two teams in sports history to win a series after trailing 3-0. They almost did it twice in a row, until the Flyers dredged up Kate Smith to salvage a memorable Game 7.
8. Because since Kate Smith is unavailable, the Sixers call on new good-luck charm - Bono of U2 - to sing "God Bless America" before tonight's game.
9. Because of Dikembe Mutombo.
10. Because as you read this, state Rep. John Perzel is enacting emergency legislation in Harrisburg to take over the Lakers and replace them with 12 rec league players to be appointed by Gov. Ridge.
11. Because that Swiss doctor who once replaced all of Keith Richards' blood to get the chemically challenged Rolling Stone guitarist through Customs is now performing his magic on our hemoglobin-depleted Aaron McKie.
12. Because L.A.'s already had enough riots, don't you think?
13. Because Nelson Mandela did it. If you think being down 3-1 is depressing, imagine spending 29 years behind bars, locked up by South Africa's racist government - only to emerge later in life as president of the country. (Think also Lech Walesa, Vaclav Havel.)
14. Because of Todd MacCulloch.
15. Because "Rocky" did it - it just took him two movies.
16. Because we want to see a picture of President Bush shaking hands with Allen Iverson in the Rose Garden.
17. Because the Sixers also plan to offer a 10-day contract to the only person who's been successfully able to "shadow" Shaquille O'Neal - Cindy Crawford.
18. Because the minute that the basketball season ends, we'll notice that the first-place Phillies are in the middle of an early re-enactment of their fabled 1964 collapse.
19. Because of Larry Brown.
20. Because the Street administration has already paid out several million dollars to politically connected consultants to study crowd-control for the Sixers' victory parade.
21. Because the crew of Apollo 13 did it - literally the greatest "come back" of all time."
22. Because if Kobe Bryant lands one more TV endorsement contract, we're tossing the remote control. (Just kidding, honey.)
23. Because if the Sixers don't win, there's not much of a market for our used lifesized cutouts of Allen Iverson and Dikembe Motumbo. (Maybe as assistant city editors.)
24. Because "I guarantee a Sixers' victory in 7 games!" - David Manning, the Ridgefield Press.
25. Because of Eric Snow.
26. Because the Sixers' crutches and medical problems miraculously disappear after the hiring of a new team physician, Dr. Oral Roberts.
27. Because the real '76ers did it, ousting the heavily favored Brits in a revolution that went the full seven years. (Hmmm - any tall French guys we can bring in for aid?)
28. Because they have come up with a way to bottle the raging male hormones of having Bill Clinton, Jesse Jackson, Jack Nicholson and Denzel Washington in the same arena at the same time.
29. Because of Pat Croce. I mean, do you even know who the Lakers team president is?
30. Because a new rule change - 300-pound violation - causes Shaq to foul out in the first 47 seconds of the game.
31. The Sixers need look no further for inspiration than across the Delaware to Voorhees, and to former Penn State cornerback Adam Taliaferro, who doctors thought would never walk again after a September 2000 spinal-cord injury. But he was walking without aid just months later.
32. Because of Tom McGinniss. Are you kiddin' me?!
33. Because if the Sixers can't win this year, it's going to be harder next year, when the Washington Wizards bring back Michael Jordan, Charles Barkley, and possibly George Mikan.
34. Because Muhammad Ali did it, in 1974 against a much younger, much stronger George Foreman, absorbing blow after sledgehammer blow in a strategy he dubbed "rope-a-dope" before stunning the world with an 8th-round knockout.
35. Because of Kevin Ollie.
36. Because Comcast invests $6 million in a bionic overhaul of Matt Geiger. ("We can rebuild him, make him better than he was.")
37. Because we want Toni Kukoc to feel really bad about his lackadaisical play when he was in Philadelphia.
38. Because morbid curiosity has us dying to see what NBC could come up with for Game 6 and Game 7 halftime shows.
39. Because the New York Mets did it in 1986, when they were losing Game 6 by two runs, with two outs, two strikes and nobody on base in the bottom of the 10th. With an unforgettable assist from Bill Buckner, they won Game 6, Game 7 and the series.
40. Because, hey, you never know.
41. Because of Tyrone Hill.
42. Because don't you think multiple past champs Ron Harper, Robert Horry, Horace Grant and coach Phil Jackson are being just a little greedy here?
43. Because PA announcer Matt Cord and his mumbled calls after an opponent's basket ("Kobebrnt") will cause mass confusion on the Lakers.
44. Because we just bought a truckload of Allen Iverson jerseys and Sixers T-shirts for 50 percent off at Sportswon, and we plan on some astronomical black marketeering come Thursday.
45. Because the Red Army did it, letting Hitler's troops get to within eyesight of the Kremlin in 1942 before launching the greatest military counter-offensive of the 20th century.
46. Because Marv Albert did it. If he can come back, anybody can.
47. Because of George Lynch.
48. Because we're already growing nostalgic about seeing naked people on South Street.
49. Because a Sixers championship would mean all kinds of new sneaker deals, including Reebok's Matt Geiger "Loafer" and Aaron McKie's "Air Gimp."
50. Because the 1968 Detroit Tigers did it, coming from 3-1 behind to beat the defending world champion St. Louis Cardinals. The key play came when Hall of Famer Lou Brock misjudged a fly ball, which shows you never know what can happen.
51. Because you don't really expect Shaq to keep making those foul shots forever, do you?
52. Because of Aaron McKie.
53. Because Tyronn Lue, you are the Weakest Link! Goodbye!
54. Because we need three more games to remember what exactly Dyan Cannon is famous for.
55. Because the Sixers hire a new head of security for Games 6 and 7 in Los Angeles: Robert Blake.
56. Because Dr. Jerri Nielsen did it. Sent to the South Pole in 1999 for the long Antarctic winter, she had to treat herself for breast cancer until she could be safely evacuated - surviving to write a best-selling book about her ordeal.
57. Because of Jumaine Jones.
58. Because you don't really expect Allen Iverson to keep missing those jump shots forever, do you?
59. Because being stuck in traffic for 45 minutes at the City Avenue exit of the Schuylkill is so much nicer when you're behind someone with one of those Sixers' flags.
60. Because of Billy King.
61. Because Theo Ratliff deserves a share of the championship money.
62. Because of Jack Fleck. In 1955, the obscure golfer was so far behind Ben Hogan in the U.S. Open that TV coverage went off the air declaring Hogan the winner. But Fleck stormed from way behind to force a playoff and won the next day.
63. Because of Rodney Buford.
64. Because we want to extend L.A. announcer Chick Hearn's amazing streak of 3,313 games by an additional two.
65. Because we're the place that produced college basketball's greatest upset team, the 1985 Villanova Wildcats, which made an amazing 75.9 percent of its shots in ousting the heavily favored Georgetown Hoyas with Patrick Ewing.
66. Because even though he played for both teams, you know Wilt would root for the Sixers.
67. Because we'd really like to see glamour-locked Rick Fox get scalped.
68. Because of Allen Iverson.
69. Because did we mention Allen Iverson?
70. Because we want Kevin Eubanks to have the last laugh on Jay Leno.
71. Because "Do you believe in miracles? Yes!"
72. Because at the last minute, Dikembe Mutombo writes away for the Charles Atlas body-building program so that Shaq will stop kicking sand in his face.
73. Because Ed Rendell did it. After losing twice in the 1980s, few people in Philly politics would talk to him. A decade later, he left office as the city's most popular mayor in a generation.
74. Because the Sixers win Game 7 on an improbable shot when the Stanford University band begins marching on the court before the final buzzer.
75. Because if you don't think the Sixers can't come back from this, then you haven't been paying close attention.
76. Because when all is said and done, L.A. sucks |
