"I don't feel like licking anything so big."
Women rate the good, the bad and the ugly in bed
By Cheryl Chow
Contributing Writer
Monday June 11, 2001
(First of a two-part series)
Guys, ever wonder how the fair sex rates your performance in bed? Now, you can find out just how you score between the sheets thanks to Spa! (6/13).
Based on intimate replies by 300 "office ladies" the magazine ranked the best and the worst lovers by place of origin (Japan only), occupation, physical characteristics, and hobbies.
So what's the verdict? Mixed, since the selfsame qualities judged negatively by some women were considered pluses by others.
For instance, men from Osaka ranked No. 2 in sexual desirability. Known as inveterate comedians, the same impulse that leads these men to make the women laugh, also makes them work hard to please her. And yet, so many women disliked the Osaka man's propensity to talk ("How can I concentrate on the act when they won't shut their trap?"), they also ended up as No. 1 in the "absolutely worst sexual performance" category.
As the old adage goes, "One woman's stud is another woman's dud."
Now, as to your most prized treasures, fellas, sorry to say but size does matter. It ranked No. 5 in importance: "The biggest buy was simply the best," gushes a 24-year-old government worker.
"It was great, he could penetrate so deeply," moans a 28-year-old employee of a trading company.
"Hey, if it's big, it's a-okay," says a 26-year-old hostess.
Yet paradoxically, an oversize manhood was voted No. 3 for worst performance. Here's what the naysayers had to say: "They rely just on the size of their tool -- they lack technique or mood."
"What if he stretches me out and I become too loose?"
"I don't feel like licking anything so big."
That doesn't mean that smaller is better. A tiny weasel was the 5th most scorned attribute. Complaints centered about not quite being able to feel the thingy: "I didn't know he inserted it." "I thought it was his finger."
Oops.
On the positive side, physical attractiveness had little to do with prowess in bed. Au contraire. Good looks earned a rating even lower than a small drill. Why? Because handsome men are too narcissistic, and bask in self-love even during sex.
So what qualities do turn a woman on? Muscles. "Like a leather sofa," moans a 25-year-old banker. Next is a firm body with broad chest and, large, bony hands. Height ranked No. 3: "Tall men are confident and they're good at creating the right mood." |
