We had our first meeting with the choir director yesterday.
This play will be a logistics nightmare. They expect 50 to a 100 kids to participate, all of whom will be on stage at all times as a choir. There is very little "stage" area-- it's in the sanctuary-- and besides the actors and choir, there is a ten foot boat, an eight foot styrofoam whale and a large transparent inflatable whale's head that somehow Jonah has to sit in. And a smoke machine and strobe lights.
And I can tell Ammo is going to be a really interesting co-director. We were watching a tape of another church's production. (Ours will be oh so much better, according to Ammo, who has already decided that we need to add another week of rehearsal to do it really right)
"You'll be responsible for Jonah's blocking," I told him. "Like when he's sitting in that whale for a whole song."
Ammo's eyes light up. He has great ideas. He wants to have JOnah build a fire and cook a little fish. He wants Jonah to sit back and smoke a cigarette. He wants JOnah to play solitaire.
"Do you even know who Jonah was?" I ask, because my children, despite years of Sunday School, seem to have absorbed nothing of the Bible.
"Sure, he was Noah's little brother. They didn't get along and Noah didn't let him on the ark so he had to find other transportation"
I HOPE he is being funny.
Then he got all worked up about this scene in the play where the yeomen from Joppa get caught in the storm and they all fall on their knees praying to their gods to save them. The lines go,
"And did their gods save them?"
And the answer is,
"No! becuase their gods were make-believe. Jonah's god is the one true God."
Ammo stops the tape. "They can't say that, can they? Isn;t that illegal?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Isn't it illegal to say those other gods aren't real?"
"It may be politically incorrect, but I think it's legal."
"Well, why isn't THEIR God make-believe?"
I am breaking out in a sweat by this point. "Ammo, you are NOT to say anything about religion while you;re there, ok? Just concentrate on the whale and boat and stuff--"
The creative fire lights up his eyes again. "I AM! YOu know how the whale is supposed to chase Jonah? I think the whale should be lolling around on the stage, and when Jonah swims by, the whale should look at the audience and wiggle his eyebrows suggestively. Then JOnah can see him and go, "Oh Shit!" and start swimming real fast."
"Whales don't have eyebrows," I say weakly.
"Yeah, but I bet Jonah said, Oh shit, when he saw that whale coming."
OH boy, this may be SUCH a big mistake. |
