[OFF TOPIC]
HISTORICAL TRANSLATIONS
There was a Pope who was greatly loved by all of his followers, a
man who led with gentleness, faith and wisdom. His passing was
grieved by the entire world, Catholic or not.
As the Pope approached the gates of heaven, it was Saint Peter who
greeted him in a firm embrace.
"Welcome your holiness, your dedication and unselfishness in
serving your fellow man during your life has earned you great stature in heaven. You may pass through the gates without delay and are
granted free access to all parts of heaven."
"You are also granted an open door policy and may at your own
discretion meet with any heavenly leader, including the Father
without prior appointment."
"Is there anything which your holiness desires?"
"Well, yes," the Pope replied. "I have often pondered some of the
mysteries which have puzzled and confounded theologians through
the ages. Are there perhaps any transcripts which recorded the actual
conversations between God and the prophets of old? I would love
to see what was actually said, without the dimming of memories over time."
Saint Peter immediately ushered the Pope to the heavenly library
and explained how to retrieve the various documents. The Pope was
thrilled and settled down to review the history of man's
relationship with God.
Two years later a scream of anguish pierced the stacks of the library. Immediately several of the Saints and Angels came running. There they found the Pope pointing to a single word on a parchment, Repeating over and over, "It's celebrate, not celibate!"
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LABOR PAIN
A couple went to the hospital when it was time for their baby to be delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the knob to 10 percent for starters, explaining that
even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.
But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine, so he said, "This ain't so bad..." and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer.
The husband was still feeling fine, "ain't so bad..." The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this, they decided to try for 50 percent.
The husband continued to feel quite well, "...ain't so bad". Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, he encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.
When they got home, the mailman was dead on their porch.
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