At 30 or 40 people who's parents are happy with how things turned out require therapy because they are so messed up.
Brees, I'm not in any position to give anyone lessons on parenting since I never tried it myself. But I had parents and bunches of friends who had parents and I read and observe so I'm offering some simple reflections.
In the discussions that have been going on lately on this thread and others, I've observed what looks to me like some parents who have very strong ideas about how their kids should live their lives. That doesn't surprise me since lots of people have strong ideas about how total strangers should lead their lives. I'm merely throwing out for consideration the notion that a somewhat lighter touch isn't necessarily trying to be one's kid's buddy.
You may recall, since you commented on it, my reporting that I once threw a hamburger at my father. When I hear parents report that their teenage kids never rebelled, my warning light goes on. It's not necessarily a problem, but it could be. To grow into healthy, whole persons, kids need to begin to think of themselves as independent entities. My understanding that some level of rebellion is part of that process, so when that rebellion doesn't happen, it would seem that the situation bears some watching. My warning light goes off, too, when I see kids going into their parents' professions, having the same politics, satisfying their parents expectation of grandchildren, etc. Congress may be making cloning humans illegal, but this kind of pseudo-cloning has been going on forever. I just think it's worthwhile for parents to stop for a minute and do a cloning check, as it were. Problems with the over-channeling of children are not often apparent to parents. They show up much later in life in strange, neurotic ways.
My parents were far from perfect. I thought they were real jerks when I was a teenager. In retrospect, the thing I appreciate most about my parents is that I always knew that they loved me unconditionally, that they would always be there if I needed them.and that they never co-opted my judgment of when I needed them. What they did for me in that regard was so wonderful. My parents never tried to be my buddies. They were parents with a safety net, which is different from parents with a game plan.
Again, just some thoughts for the consideration of the thread.
Karen |
