I have embraced the concept that I set up rules, some of which will be broken, in order to give my children the chance- as teenagers- to break with me, and to disobey in order to separate from the parental "womb." I keep the rules tight so the disobedience need not be life threatening in order to make a statement. I don't keep the rules tight necessarily because I agree with the rules absolutely (as you know I am a relativist), but in order for the rules to work I must appear to embrace them.
UGH
No one ever said parenting would be easy.
It appears to me that children must break from their parents in order to establish their own identities. I don't want my children to live out my dreams, I want them to find their own dreams.And I think that disapproval plus unconditional love is a good recipe for a parent to follow. Although I try to keep the disapproval to reasonable things- like drinking, and tattoos, and drugs, and unhealthy lifestyles. I don't want to tell my kids what political persuasion to be, or whether to be religious or not, or tamper with their internal sense of their sexuality (as opposed to sexual behavior), these things I consider intensely personal, and while I think information and open dialog on these things is appropriate, I won't do more than that. |
