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Strategies & Market Trends : Guidance and Visibility
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To: 2MAR$ who started this subject8/14/2001 5:22:51 PM
From: Frederick Langford  Read Replies (1) of 208838
 
OT Subject: If Dear Abby was a man........

What if "Dear Abby" Was a Man?

Dear Abner:
My boyfriend still has feelings for his old girlfriends. I'm afraid he will
be unfaithful.
"Worried."

Dear Worried:
A man's capacity to love is boundless. It has been proven to increase with
the number of sexual partners. Thus, by having a few other women, your
partner is really increasing his love for you. Best thing to do is to buy
your boyfriend a Ranger bass boat and cook him a nice meal and don't
mention this aspect of his behavior.

************

Dear Abner:
My fiancée has too many nights out with "the boys."
"Alone."

Dear Alone:
This is perfectly natural behavior and should be encouraged. The man is a
hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. Far from being
pleasurable, a night out with the boys is a stressful affair and to get
back to you is a relief for your partner. Just look back at how emotional
and happy the man is when he returns to his stable home. Best thing to do
is to buy your fiancée a new hunting rifle and cook him a nice meal.

**************

Dear Abner:
My fiancée goes straight to sleep after making love. We have no time to
talk.
"Talkless in Tacoma."

Dear Talkless:
Sexual intercourse is an extremely difficult task for a man. Afterwards he
needs rest. In fact, the more he loves you, the more hard work he puts
into his lovemaking and the more rest he needs. Stop putting pressure on
him; buy your fiancée a new Calloway driver and cook him a nice meal.

**************

Dear Abner:
My husband's efforts at lovemaking only last sixty seconds.
"Minute Man's Wife."

Dear Minute's:
Your husband loves you very much. He is so turned on by you that he cannot
control himself. In fact, the shorter the 'effort' the more he loves you.
Return this love by buying a full set of Sears Craftsman power tools and
cooking him a nice meal.

*************

Dear Abner:
My boyfriend is uninterested in foreplay; help.
"Wham-Bam-Thank-ya-Ma'am."

Dear Wham:
Foreplay, to a man, is very hurtful. What it means is that you do not love
him as much as he loves you. You should be as ready as he is for
lovemaking. Why must he work at getting you "in the mood" if you are truly
devoted? Abandon this old wives' tale. Make it up to your boyfriend by
buying him the biggest chain saw on the market and cooking him a nice meal.

*************

Dear Abner:
My fiancée has never given me an orgasm.
"Frustrated."

Dear Frustrated:
The female orgasm is a myth. It is fostered by militant, man-hating
feminists and is a danger to the family unit. Don't mention it again to
your fiancée and show your love to him by buying him a Harley-Davidson Fat
Boy... and don't forget to cook him a nice meal. >>
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