My mother takes the Humanist and she said she got some funny definitions from her local chapter, which she sent me. I was going to type them out but she said they came from the net- so with a little searching I found them. I really enjoyed these. Coffee is one of my favorites. But flatulence runs a close second.
Abdicate (v.) To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Arachnoleptic fit (n.) The frantic dance performed just after you've accidently walked through a spider web.
Balderdash (n.) A rapidly receding hairline.
Bozone (n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer,
unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
Beelzebug (n.) Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at 3 in the morning and cannot be cast
out.
Bustard (n.) A very rude Metrobus driver.
Carcinoma (n.) A valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.
Cashtration (n.) The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
Caterpallor (n.) The colour you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
Circumvent (n.) The opening in the front of boxer shorts.
Coffee (n.) A person who is coughed upon.
Decaflon (n.) The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
Dopelar Effect (n.) The tendancy of stupid ideas to seem smarter when you come at them rapidly.
Esplanade(v.) To attempt an explanation while drunk.
Extraterrestaurant (n.) An eating place where you feel you've been abducted and experimented on. Also known as
ET'ry.
Faunacated (adj.) How wildlife ends up when its environment is destroyed.
Flabbergasted (adj.) Appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Flatulence (n.) The emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Gargoyle (n.) An olive-flavored mouthwash.
Grantarctica (n.) The cold, isolated place where arts companies without funding dwell.
Hence faunacatering (n.), which has made a meal of many species.
Hemaglobe (n.) The bloody state of the world.
Intaxication (n.) Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Internet(n.) The web of interns in which Ken Starr has tried to snare Bill Clinton.
Kinstipation (n.) A painful inability to move relatives who come to visit.
Lullabuoy (n.) An idea that keeps floating into your head and prevents you fr fro ffromm zzzzzz
Lymph (v.) To walk with a lisp.
Macadam (n.) The first man on Earth, according to the Celtic bible.
Marionettes (n.) Residents of Washington who have been jerked around by the mayor.
Negligent (adj.) Describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
Oyster (n.) A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
Rectitude (n.) The formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
Semantics (n.) Pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things as gluing the
pages of the priest's prayer book together just before vespers.
Testicle (n.) A humorous question to an exam.
TwoTesTicles (n.) What every "Tickle Me Elmo" Doll gets when it leaves the factory.
Willy-nilly (adj.) Impotent.
New words for the English Language
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Words that shoud be .....
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself
for the purpose of obtaining sex.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Tatyr: A lecherous Mr. Potato Head.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit
and the recipient who doesn't get it.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness. (like groovy, man)
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is
sending off all these really bad vibes, right?
And then, like, the Earth explodes and
it's like a serious bummer, ya know.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas
to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS,
which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an ass. |
