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To: Augustus Gloop who wrote (53)	9/1/2001 6:26:44 AM
From: Augustus Gloop	Read Replies (1) of 234

The NFL Gloop Scoop Ok Folks, Football season is here! Tune in each week for the NFL Gloop Scoop – a refreshing change from the usual talking heads / gurus who struggle to go 50% WITHOUT even factoring in the line. Sept 9, 2001 Carolina @ Minnesota – Maybe more interesting then the final score will be the play of Rookie QB Chris Weinkie. The only successful defense Dennis Green seems to be able to put together in Minnesota is in paternity cases. That said – Welcome to the NFL Chris: Vikings 27 – Panthers 13 Chicago @ Baltimore – Um…..Yeah. The only reason Wisconsin doesn't slide into lake superior is because Chicago sucks. In a why even bother game of the week: Baltimore 31 – Chicago 6 Detroit @ Green Bay – Although Brett Favre is arguably still the best Field General in the NFL his teams are prone to slow starts. The only saving grace is that the game is being played in Lambeau where the Packers have beaten the Lions in each of the last 9 season. Lets make it a 10 bagger: Packers 24 – Lions 13 Indianapolis @ NYJ – Manning comes unglued even while sporting a knee brace. A knee brace I might add that would never need be worn if it weren't for the STUPIDITY of head coach Jim Mora for leaving the leagues best pure passer in a pre-season game:. Indy 28 – NYJ 20 New England @ Cincinnati – The only thing worse than a Bill Belichick coached team is the ineptitude in Cincinnati. Why do we keep giving franchises like the Bengals, Cardinals and Chargers top 5 draft picks? In a who should have been a star but was drafted by the Bengals talent destruction machine game: New England 17 – Cincinnati 13 New Orleans @ Buffalo – The Bills have jettisoned more talent in the past six months than the Montreal Expos of 99. 2001 will finally be the year where the Bills realize a southern California sissy can't QB a team in cold weather: N.O. 23 – Buffalo 10 Oakland @ Kansas City – Lets face it folks, John Gruden is both mean and a stud. Hell, if I were a chick I'd hop his bones. Raiders win – Vermiel cries: Oakland 31 – K.C. 19 Seattle @ Cleveland – This could be a true game of the week. The Browns under new leadership aren't nearly as bad as people think and Holmgren has yet to work his magic. Although the acquisition of Hasslebeck is a quantum leap past former Seattle QB Jon Kitna he remains an unproven commodity in the regular season. Upset special: Browns 19 – Hawks 17 Tampa Bay @ Dallas – This may be the first ever game between an NFL team and a Girl Scout troop. The off season has seen the venerable JERRY JONES doing a lot of work on his head. In fact if he has much more lifting done he may find himself with a very curly beard. Based on his 2001 draft maybe a lobotomy would have been a better choice. The only thing that will keep this from becoming the laugher of the week is the up and down (mostly down) nature of the Bucs offense: T.B. 27 – Dallas 0 Atlanta @ San Francisco – As much as I admire and respect Dan Reeves he committed employment suicide by selecting Michael Vick. Although Vick may be a solid QB in the future he will provide no help to an aging Falcons team. I must also admit my surprise with the unconventional play of Garcia. His mechanics are just slightly better than Jeff George who has maybe the worst in the league. Garcia goes nuts but no running game slows the offensive production: San Francisco 24 – Atlanta 17 St. Louis @ Philadelphia – Yeah I know all you philly cream cheese and steak lovers – All the way, right? WRONG! McNabb is not God (Favre is), Staley is still hurting and rookie wide outs do not spell Superbowl! The only chance you have is quickly replace that dog sh!t turf with grass so you can slow down the air attack of the Rams: Rams 34 – Philly 24 Washington @ San Diego – Lets see…..will it be dead arm Jeff George or Dead head Tony Banks Vs. The dwarf? Either way I'll be pulling for the Chargers! I just can't bring myself to pull for a team owned by the reincarnation of Hitler they call Dan Snyder. This guy is the biggest @$$Hole to hit the NFL since Al Davis and the Bidwell family. Unfortunately: Skins 20 – Chargers 14 Miami @ Tennessee – If the Miami defense decides to show up this IS the game of the week! In a rock 'em sock 'em defensive struggle: Tennessee 13 – Miami 10 Are You ready for some Football – MNF NYG @ Denver – Ok…...Denver wins. But lets gloss over the game for a moment and ask a question. Why has ABC decided to stick us with the worst announcers on TV? Ok ok! Al Michaels can stay but add Chris Berman and Joe Theisman. As much as I loved and respected Dan Fouts as a football player he just isn't ready for prime time. Dennis Miller in a word....SUCKS! The only way to spice up this group is to have Melissa Stark parade around nude at the game. Denver 31 – NYG – 7 For Best percentages during week 1 take the home team and the under

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