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To: Poet who wrote (1348)	9/1/2001 5:08:12 PM
From: Rambi	Read Replies (1) of 51721

But WHERE is the pile of ironing - hmmmmmmmmmmm???? Mine is in the closet. Unironed. Dan did the CDs today. I cleaned. I have let the maid go as part of the CTAP (College Tuition Austerity Plan, if you forgot) I;m not sure it is worth it. I was attacked by a runaway vacuum cleaner on the staircase not half an hour ago. It was a terrible moment. My life passed before me, and I envisioned my funeral with everyone trying not to snicker over the modus mortui. Instead of an urn, my remains would be placed in a goldplated vacuum bag. There would be wreathes of dustbunnies placed around it. My friends would rise and talk about my noble battle for a clean home, how my cabinets were filled with cleaners and sprays and brushes; they would speak tearfully of my desperate efforts to remove the dead bodies of birds and mice before they decomposed under the beds, and the charming way I could scrape mold off a block of cheddar, cover it with strawberry jam, serve it with Triscuits and no one would ever suspect. They would eulogize my tolerance for moths and spiders, how I co-existed with all sorts of species. Except for X who would come and tell everyone that I had cleanliness at the bottom of my value scale. Serves me right for having honest friends. A memorial fund would be set up in my name with Hoover. The killer vacuum was really a Dirt Devil, but that just sounds too satanic.

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