OT- I got a kick out of this one.
messages.yahoo.com
Taliban Cuts Workforce
September 25, 2001 KABUL (Voice of Sharia) -- Citing worldwide reaction to last week's terrorist attacks, multi-national terror network Al Qaeda announced Thursday that it would lay off 19,000 or more holy warriors. The "holy war" concern said the move was necessary because of an unexpected 40 percent fatwah reduction and the cost and complexity of thwarting new airport and immigration security procedures, according to a statement broadcast on Afghanistan's Voice of Sharia radio.
"This is, without a doubt, the most difficult thing I have had to do in my over two decades as a mujahad," said Al Qaeda mastermind and chief operations officer Osama bin Laden in a letter to employees. He added, "Some of these people are my friends, who have been fighting the infidel by my side since we were were living in caves in Afghanistan during the Soviet occupation. We are still living in caves in Afghanistan, but I believe the bottom is forming and we will see a turnaround soon, provided we can meet the challenge by getting both leaner and meaner." "I have declared a state of emergency at Al Qaeda," bin Laden said. "This declaration is an official recognition that, hard as it may be to accept, our network's very survival depends on dramatic changes to our operations, our jihad and worst of all.... our staffing levels."
The cuts, bin Laden said, would include both mujahadin (holy warriors) and ulema (clerics). They will impact Afghanistan, Pakistan and Sudan. Some mujahadin will be notified immediately, others won't be notified until the end of next week as they finish attacks in progress or in late stages of planning, according to Taliban spokesman Wakii Nomadi. Staff cuts for suicide pilots, car bombers and other Al Qaeda holy warriors will be based on seniority, Nomadi said, in a deal worked out at a meeting between bin Laden and union officials from the IBIJ (International Brotherhood of the Islamic Jihad).
Mujahadin and others who lose their jobs will receive one kilo of heroin as a severance package, according to the Al Qaeda statement. Pakistan, which oversees Al Quaeda and its subsidiary Taliban organization, was sad to announce in its latest quarterly report that the cuts would amount to 66.6% |
