THE LEGLESS PARROT
A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting
on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The
guy says aloud; "Jeesh. I wonder what happened to this
Parrot?"
The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective
parrot."
"Holy shit," the guy replies. "You actually understood
and answered me!"
"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a
highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird."
"Oh yeah?", the guy asks, "Then answer this-how do you
hang on to your perch without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but
since you asked, I wrap my willie around this wooden bar
like a little hook. You can't see it because of my
feathers."
"Wow" says the guy, "you really can understand and speak English, can't
you!?"
"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English and I can
converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics,
religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm
especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy
me. I'd be a great companion."
The guy looks at the $200 price tag. "Sorry, but I just
can't afford that."
"Pssssssst" says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth
is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me
for $20, just make the guy an offer!"
The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot. Weeks
go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of
humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands
everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy
is delighted. One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes
"Psssssssssssst" and motions him over with one wing.
"I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's
about your wife and the postman."
"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.
"When the postman delivered today, your wife greeted him at the door in a
sheer black nighty and kissed him
passionately."
"WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?"
"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nighty and
began petting her all over" reported the parrot.
"My God!" he exclaims. "Then what?"
"Then he lifted up the nighty, got down on his knees and began to lick her
all over, starting with her breasts and slowly going down..."
"WELL???" demands the frantic guy, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"
"Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!" |
