Economic downturn forces cuts at another dotcom
30,000 employees will be laid off and a one-time charge of $300 million will be levied against its Q4 2001 earnings, warned President and CEO O. Bin Laden of fearme.com.
As a result of the cuts, 2,000 Muslim clerics, 18,100 suicide bombers, 3,300 sleeper agents, 1,200 misogynists, 600 illiterate interpreters of the Quran, 1,200 wild-eyed effigy burners, 2,300 goatherders, 1,260 heavenly virgins on green pillows, 30 spelunkers and 10 guano-chefs will be terminated within the next 30 days.
Addressing his mirror in a subterranean pit someplace appropriate for subhuman entities, the CEO ascribed his company's difficulties to the extended economic downturn caused by a variety of hymies, heebs, imperialist cowboys, great satans, yankee dogs, unbelievers, zionist mofos, Dirty Harry and the persistent giga-curies of above-ground radiation obliterating the sun above fearme.com's corporate headquarters.
"Despite the careful execution of our holy mission, " Bin Laden explained, "the worldwide reduction in air travel reduced our hijack opportunities by a third. That, coupled with a worldwide shortage of helpless infants and kittens to torture, created an untenable situation that our best sociopaths could not resolve."
He further declined to provide any longterm projections, other than to indicate the company was still on track with its previously announced plans for a merger with hissphincter.com |
