Subject: Chretien launches "Operation Stern Memo"
(CP) Amid howls of derision, and in an attempt to deflect widespread criticism of
Canada's tepid response to the Sept. 11 terrorists attacks on New York and Washington,
Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chretien announced today in the House of Commons that he
would launch "Operation Stern Memo."
The so-called operation would submit a "Memorandum of Disapproval" to Afghanistan's
puritanical Taliban dictatorship with a cc: to Osama bin Laden, the suspected mastermind
behind the attacks, which left over 6,000 dead or missing. "Hif dat's halright wit dem,"
Chretien was quick to add, apparently referring to the Taliban or Al Qaeda.
Conservative leader Joe Clark urged that stronger language was necessary in light of the
"heinous and grievous crimes against humanity," and suggested the proposed memo
submission be renamed "Operation Strenuous Objection."
Besieged Alliance leader Stockwell Day suggested it be called "Operation Nuke Kabul,"
but later withdrew his suggestion amid loud outcries from House members, claiming that
what he had actually said was, "Operation New Kabul."
Bloc Quebecois leader Gilles Ducette expressed disdain for the debate, complaining that
the issue did not address Quebec's sovereignty and was therefore of no interest to Bloc
members. He did, however, demand that the operation's name be in French, or at least
bilingual with French first. He then donned a shower cap and left for an inspection of a
nearby cheese factory in Hull, Quebec.
NDP leader Alexa McDonough, wringing her hands and at times apparently close to tears,
pleaded with House members to abandon their "warlike rhetoric," claiming any name might
offend "certain organizations with differing views." She stopped short of suggesting
Americans give in to the terrorists' demands after being reminded that they had made no
demands, they had only killed people.
Finance Minister Paul Martin, rumoured to have his eye on the PM's position, did not
speak during the debate, but later told reporters that he would prefer the name
"Operaton Fiscal Dismay."
Chretien finally closed the session, saying he would "keep an heye on furder
dublupments" and would consider delegating a committee to look into the feasibility of
appointing a commission to find an appropriate name for the operation "some time hafter
Tanksgiving." He later told reporters that the appointment of the commission could be
further delayed, citing a planned two-week holiday in the Gatineaus in early November. |
