Where no Investor has gone before...
Kirk: The federation is in a bind Mr. S-POS-k. They've shorted several
tons of palladium at $300 an oz. Now their major mine source has been
shut down by some monster...Energize Mr. SSCott...
e-a-e-a-e-a-e-a-u-u-u-u-u-u-a-a
Kirk: Tricorder readings Mr. Check-off?
Check-off: We are in a palladium rich cavern 120 meters from the
arranged meeting place wis the miners Captain.
Kirk: S-POS-k, what do you make of these tunnels--they seem to have been
excavated with phasers just minutes ago.
S-POS-k: Insufficient data to postulate...
Miner No. 1: Ah, there you are Kirk. I'm Al Vancouver, foreman of the
mines. Look, either you get rid of this thing that's been cutting into
our profits or there'll be no delivery of palladium from this mine.
Check-off: Spoken like a true Russian.
S-POS-K: Mr. Lulu, you will take a security detail and find, possibly
corner this creature...
Kirk: I gave no such order Mr. S-POS-k. You will shoot to kill, Mr.
Lulu.
Lulu: Captain, Lulu here--we got a glimpse of the creature. It was
covered with a protective layer of hard assets. We drained our Central
phaser Bank reserves, but I think the thing has taken a hit .
Miner No. 1: Kirk! Our Platinum generator has been breeched and
disabled. The forward selling ionizer is missing.
Kirk: Kirk to Enterprize, SSCotty, beam down with with your Snap-on tool
kit.
SSCotty: Aye Captain.
e-e-e-e-a-a-a-a-a-a-u-u-u-u-u-a-a-a
Miner No. 1: Captain, that hedging device was a key component keeping
the POG at a comfortable level and allowing our mines to breathe. We'll
have to close down most of our operations without it.
Kirk: SSCotty, is there anything you can do?
SSCotty: The back-up system is shorted Captain; I've jerry-rigged a Euro
by-pass, but it won't last long.
Kirk: Come on S-POS-k--we must find that part...we'll split up here
where the tunnels fork...
S-POS-k: Captain, tricorder readings indicate instability in the roof of
the cavern. We may be in danger of falling metals...
Kirk: Too late S-POS-k, I got in at $7.50 silver. My tunnel partially
caved in but I'm Okay. The creature is right on front of me. It's
injured and not moving.
S-POS-K: The POG or the creature? Captain, your position is one of great
danger--kill it now.
Kirk: We might be able to save it S-POS-k.
S-POS-k: Captain use your phaser...
Kirk: S-POS-k, the Vulcan Mine-Geld--you must attempt it!.
S-POS-K: My stocks are your stocks, your stocks are
mine...A-A-A-G-G-H-H! The pain. The pain.
A-a-a-a-a-a-a-g-g-g-g-g-h-h-h-h!
Kirk: S-POS-k! Snap out of it. You Okay?
S-POS-k: Yes, Gem.
Kirk: Well, a penny for your stocks Mr. S-POS-k.
S-POS-k: That is illogical, Captain. Even Zappa is trading at 14 cents a
share Canadian.
Kirk: I mean, what is it S-POS-k?
S-POS-K: It calls itself a "Shorta." It has been shorting gold and other
PMs for thousands of years. Our phasers have exposed it and it is unable
to cover itself. It won't survive for long, Captain.
Kirk: But what is it doing at A Bottom Now for Gold mine?
S-POS-k: It's SIlicon based, Captain.
Kirk: Kirk to Enterprize...
Juanita: Yes Captain.
Kirk: Have Dr. McTroy beam down with a geology kit.
Juanita: Affirmative Captain.
e-a-e-a-e-a-e-a-e-a-u-u-u-u-u-a-a
McTroy: My last audit by the IRS was more pleasant than that
transporter. What in blazes is going on here--what is that thing?
Kirk: It calls itself a "Shorta." It's injured and needs your help.
You're a physician--heal it.
McTroy: I'm a doctor, not a speculator.
Kirk: Heal it, Bones, and that's an order!
McTroy: A market order or a limit order?
S-POS-k: Captain--the miners...
Miner No. 1: Out of the way Captain. That creature attacked our mine.
We're going to kill that thing once and for all.
Kirk: The same way you killed its children? These Silicon blurbs you've
been deleting--they're its eggs.
Miner No. 1: We didn't know--how could we?
Kirk: Every several thousand years every Shorta dies but the
webmistress. She cares for the eggs until they hatch, then she along
with the new generation goes long on the precious metals as a new bull
market is born. What do you say you live and work together with the
Shorta?
S-POS-k: Only one problem, Captain: the Shorta is dying and with her the
whole generation of Shorta will cease to exist.
McTroy: I'm beginning to think I can cure the common stock market fever.
I troweled the wound full of those Susan B. Anthony dollars the
government still hasn't found a use for and it's covering it like a
bandage until it can heal.
Kirk: Good work Bones. Now Mr. Vancouver, could we have that shipment of
Palladium? The Federation has some short covering of its own to do... |
