"<font color=red>Caution! Racist, Sexist, Off-Topic Post, Calculated to Offend. (some pinheads anyway) Do not read it if you don't want to get mad and race to the SI administration and whine servilely that you have been viciously insulted by this post, that you were forced to read. Otherwise continue."
We are speaking to the resident expert on Terrorism from the University of Kracow, Mr. Gissineiuw Kzafucas and with us from Afghanistan the representative of the government there, Mr. Anudah Kahn Inah Tahban and his interpreter, Mr Kahmal J'Akhan from The totally Crazed and Neolithically Totalitarian State of Eastern South Vladistan, somewhere in Bessarabia.
Also with us is a special guest from Quebec, the Ayatollah Bernard O'Landry, Prime Miniature du pays du Quebec, who wishes to share with us his unabashed admiration of the Tahban and also his comments about Canadian politics, which I am sure we would all like to hear.
"Welcome gentleman. Let me say at the outset that we hope to bring substantive ideas to the table here and set the basis for more productive discussions in the future. After all none of us wants a long drawn out protracted war do we?"
Kzafucas. "Hell no. Short is fine by me."
Moderator: "My J'Akhan, would you mind using a pen for taking notes, the scratching from your dagger is interfering with the sound system. By the way Mr. J'Akhan where exactly is Eastern South Vladistan? I could not find it on any map."
J'Akhan: "It ees whereever people want to kill Americans, pig."
Moderator: "So why exactly is it you want to kill Americans?"
J'Akhan: "Who doesn't? It is the biggest challenge. Kill American women and children. Make you feel like a man. Beside who say we need a reason to kill? A Muslim do not need a reason to kill, just orders from the Ayatollah. It is between him and god, the god of peace. When you finish killing, everything is very peaceful."
Tahban: "Death to all Americans, and praise Allah that we shall conquer. We hate you lousy bastard Americans, death to you all. We didn't do it, but we really like the people who did, whoever they are. They are our friends in advance. Don't get the idea that Muslims are bad. We are against anything that looks like too much fun."
Kzafucas: "You got that scum, bin Hidahn?"
Tahbahn: "Who us? Well maybe, you rotten Christ-loving lousy bastard, what is to you? Let me say Islam is the religion of peace, it is also a great one if you have to go to war and slaughter a whole bunch of Satan worshippers like yourself, American dog."
Kzafucas: "Are you trying to say he is some kind of peacknik like yourself and he never did it, ever, honest?"
Tahban: "Well prove it, you lying Yanqui Satan."
Kzafucas: " Well say we show you incontravertible evidence, and then you know all about how we found out, you would like that wouldn't you? And since if he did do it, and it he is such a great friend of yours, it doesn't look like proving it does much but give you info, and let you hide better next time."
Tahban: "Well ha ha ha! Go to the head of the class Yanqui loser. You got that right. What you gonna do about it?"
Ayatollah O'Landry: "Wow, you Aghans sure give it to those capitalist pigs, the American. Let me tell you I vacation there every year, and everyting you say aboud dem is very true. Dey call us the french whinahs in the Carolinas. Today I wipe my ass with the american flag, but it's not the stars and stripes forever, so I use the Canadian flag too, to finish."
Kzafucas: "I guess it adds up to anyone can take shots at us and hide out with you and we have to bite our tongue. How long do you think that is going to last Tahbahn?"
Tahbahn: "As long as there are bleeding heart liberals who feel that pictures of people with smoking guns standing over dead bodies leaves ample room for doubt, I would say we can hold out. Before long we will be your best candidate for foreign aid and the best benefactor of the American construction industry. Sounds like win, win to me."
O'Landry: "Hey is id true what you guys do to goats and women, I mean beat them with a stick when they make too much noise? I admire dat. You would like it in Quebec. We don beat too much the women because we never run out of English, you know wad I mean. And if you guys like boys too as I hear, hey we don mind dat. We are not prejudiced, in our province you can get away with saying things about minorities dat would get you a jail term in Canada. But goats and boys, hey! It's ok as long as you pay. Let me say too that I like Afghans dogs. They even look like Afghan people a bit too, why is dat? Heh heh.. hey thats ok too! We like dogs in Quebec too, we are very broadminded, except where it comes to English. Si on foure le chien en francais on apprend l'ordre du Quebec, when you do it in English it's 30 days.
Tahbahn: Why don't you make a rope wet, you crazy bastard. What do you think we are, some kind of french faggots?
Kzafucas: Hey! Tahbahn, did you know that air Quebec has a special on now for middle easterners that want to learn to fly jets? They serve french Whine too. You pop the cork and you can hear the sound of complaints from Quebec bubbling endlessly.
Kahmal J'Akhan: Hey what you say, after Death to America? I am trying to catch up.
Gissinieuw Kzafucas: Don't worry we will help you catch up with Death to America real soon, you have my accurate interpretation on that.
EC<:-} |
