You have a good point about that "sociallizing" as a couple.
I usually don't get to know couples. I know one or the other person, and generally like to keep it that way. Now Po and Bill, and Rambi and Dan are pleasant exceptions. But I almost never socialize with a group of even two other friends. I'm a one-on-one person as someone I know put it. I think you are an exception in "not asking" and you live in a different area from me. I've been thinking about it while being in the sun, and remembering why I came to have it be something I brought up through carefully placed phrases and such. In SF I never did. It would just come to be known naturally at some point, or sometimes never for certain, as you mention. But it was not an "issue" there as it is where I am now. And after over a year of making friends and ties and never discussing that about myself, because it never came up, I got more than a little seriously burned, and am down to two people who I will talk with in this community beyond the most casual of talk. In the long run, I might not have more friends, but I wouldn't have been burned. Your post makes me realize I need to adjust my brain when I visit other places now and deal with each enviroment the way it feels right for the particulars of the place and people.
I also was realizing about this "defining element" thing... that it is not what I would refer to myself as in an introduction, but people here do. "Who are you asking about? Ohhhh, that's Choosie, the lesbian". hehe. It isn't generally meant offensively anymore, we've made our distant peace. But like they'd say, "oh, the redhead on Chigger Mountain"... or the "oh, the black guy" (since he'd be the only one, if there was one).. or any manner of specifying who someone is by a characteristic that sets them apart. |
