friday's funnies...thank you! bbgold...here is this week's edition...
Kabul Prime Time Television Schedule
MONDAYS:
8:00 - "Malcom Giving The Middle Finger"
8:30 - "Bomb Once And Again"
9:00 - "CSI: Can't See Iraq"
9:30 - "Third Rock I Ate Today"
10:00 - "Monday Night Carpet Bombing"
TUESDAYS:
8:00 - "Good Morning Smart Bomb"
8:30 - "When Bad Religions Get Worse"
9:00 - "Survivor"
9:30 - "Who Wants To Be A Terrorist?"
10:00 - "Politically Insane"
WEDNESDAYS:
8:00 - "Enemies"
8:30 - "Everybody Hates Everybody"
9:00 - "Tali-Tubbies"
9:30 - "Just Nuke Me"
10:00 - "Six Hundred Feet Under"
THURSDAYS:
8:00 - "The West Bank"
8:30 - "De-Face The Nation"
9:00 - "The Osama Factor"
9:30 - "The Moles"
10:00 - "King Of The Tent"
FRIDAYS:
8:00 - "Oppression Island"
8:30 - "Mad-man TV"
9:00 - "As The World Burns"
9:30 - "Win Bin Laden's Money"
10:00 - "The Blood Boat"
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Some Differences Between High School and College...
** In high school, you do homework. In college, you study.
** No food is allowed in the hall in high school. In college, food must be provided at an event before students will come.
** In high school, you wear your backpack on one shoulder; in college, on both.
** In college, the professors can tell you the answer without looking at the teacher's guide.
** In college, there are no tardy slips.
** In high school, you have to live with your parents. In college, you get to live with your friends.
** In college, you don't have to wait in a certain lunch line to be cool.
** In high school, you're told what classes to take. In college, you get to choose; that is, as long as the classes don't conflict and you have the prerequisites and the classes aren't closed and you've paid your tuition.
** In high school, if you screw up you can usually sweet-talk your way out of it. In college, you're lucky to ever talk with the professor.
** In high school, fire drills are planned by the administration; in college, by the drunk frat boys on their way home when the bars close.
** In college, any test consists of a larger percentage of your grade than your high school final exams ever did.
** In high school, when the teacher said, "Good morning," you mumbled back. In college, when the professor says, "Good morning," you write it down.
** In high school, freshman guys hit on senior girls. In college, senior guys hit on freshman girls.
** In college, weekends start on Thursday.
** In college, it's much more difficult to figure out the course schedule of the man/woman you have a crush on, in order to figure out where he/she will be walking around campus and at what time to find them.
** Once you've obtained the information described above, it's much more time-consuming to run between classes to that place where you know he/she will be in order to "just happen to bump into him/her."
** In college, there's no one to tell you not to eat pizza three meals a day.
** In college, your dad doesn't pay for dates.
** In high school, it never took 3 or 4 weeks to get money from Mom and Dad.
** College guys are cuter than high school boys.
** College women are legal.
** In college, when you miss a class (or two or three), you don't need a note from your parents saying you were skip....uh, sick that day.
** In high school, you can't go out to lunch because it's not allowed. In college, you can't go out to lunch because you can't afford it.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Sue went to dinner with her husband, a male friend of theirs, Jim, and his new girlfriend, Dorthy. While eating dinner,they spoke about vacations. Dorthy said that she wanted to go to Gotham City for her next vacation. Sue tried to explain to her that it was not a real place. She laughed and said "it is too, it's where Batman lives". Sue laughed and looked over at Jim who smiled and told me she was serious. Sue then tried to explain that, " Batman does not exist, why do you
think there have been three of them: Clooney, Kilmer and Keaton?"
Dorthy looked at Sue straight in the eye and said "that is because he doesn't want anyone to know who he really is."
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There was a young woman of Croft
Who played with herself in a loft,
Having reasoned that candles
Could never cause scandals,
Besides which they never went soft...
There were 2 old-maid sisters... both virgins. It's Friday night and
Gladys looks at Betty and says, "I'm not going to die a virgin... I'm
going out and I'm not coming home 'til I've been laid!!" Betty says,
"Well, make sure you're home by 10, so I won't worry." 10 o'clock
rolls around and there's no sign of Gladys... 11 o'clock... 12 o'clock...Finally about 15 after 1 the front door flies open. In runs Gladys...straight to the bathroom. Betty goes and knocks on the door, "Are you okay, Gladys?" No answer, so she opens the door and there sits Gladys with her panties around her ankles, legs spread, and her head stuck between her legs looking at herself. "What is it,Gladys? What's wrong?" asks Betty. "Betty, it was 10 inches long when it went in... and 5 when it came out. When I find the other half you're gonna have the time of your life!!"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train humans to stand at the edge of the pool and throw them fish?
One day a little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was
running to Bible class, trying not to be late. As she ran
she prayed," Dear Lord, Please don't let me be late! Dear
Lord, Please don't let me be late! As she was running and
praying she tripped up a curd, falling and get dirty and
tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off and began
to run again. As she was running she began to pray again,
"Dear Lord, Please don't let me be late...but please don't
shove me either!
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and finally...
Pinnochio was receiving complaints from his girlfriend about consummating their passions. "Every time we make love," she said, "I get splinters!" So he went back to his maker, Gipetto, the carpenter, to ask for advice. "Sandpaper my boy, that's what you need," was the carpenter's response. A couple of weeks later the carpenter saw Pinnochio again, "How are you getting on with the girls now?"
..."Who needs girls?"...
good fortune...
pops |
