JC,
If you knew me better, you would know that I am very seldom serious around SI.
It was a very funny piece, whether you thought so or meant it to be. I did not laugh becuase the "solo sex" choice was "inappropriate"; I laughed because it seemed to me to be written cleverly and as a writer, I appreciated it. I gave it the second thought because you had called it a quiz, and seemed to be asking opinions, and not because of some profound examination of my own response.
Actually, I tend NOT to trust gut reactions. They are too often about me and my subjective, emotional reaction to things and I don't believe that that represents my "sum total of wisdom". The wisdom comes in NOT responding reflexively, but taking the time to consider the question with the tools of reason and experience. I don't think it means looking for a way to validate behavior, but to see it more clearly without the taint of my own emotions.
REgarding that specific post- the letters- my sons will make their own choices regarding their sexuality and I hope they will be comfortable enough to talk with us about them, no matter what they are, but I don't believe it is up to me to "judge" their choices in this as right or wrong. A parent's opinion is given an enormous weight and importance by children, and can be alienating and defeating. I have worked with so many children and families where the parent believed they were acting out of love to "help" and the children only heard rejection and control and disapproval.
You did not mention the age of your imaginary person. If he were 12, my reaction would be very different from the one I would have to a 21 year old saying those same things. At 21, and one of mine is, if he comes to a decision, we might offer our thoughts and opinions or even objections, but judge? Unless he is breaking the law or doing something dangerous to himself or others, (this calls for a totally different response, I think) I don't see that I should be "judging"- I accept that my sons are reaching the age where it isn't up to me to "validate" their choices, but to accept them as part of who they are or endanger our relationship by rejecting them. |
