perhaps you'll like this rarebird:
OPEN A SECOND FRONT NOW: STORM THE IVORY TOWERS!
By: Rich Smith
Despite the rout of Taliban forces in Afghanistan, victory in the war
against terrorism can only be achieved by quickly opening up a second front.
No, I don t mean an invasion of Iraq or Indonesia or any of a dozen other
international safe-havens for bloodthirsty murderers. The second front I m
referring to is here on American soil - namely, our college campuses.
This is where the minds of helpless, innocent youth are daily butchered by
the professor-iate, the shock troops of the Left. This is where the next
generation is ruinously indoctrinated in pinko-think. This is where,
through speech codes and the systematic elimination of conservative points
of view, repression on par with that found in Afghanistan under the Taliban
is the order of the day.
What s urgently needed in order to stop the terror is an all-out assault on
the higher education system, a siege laid against the hallowed halls of
learning.
However, in storming the universities, it would be a fatal mistake to rely
on untrained and ill-equipped 18-, 19-, 20- and 21-year-old conservative
students to do the fighting. Those kids are no match for hardened,
battle-tested America-haters protected within fortified ivory towers.
The better way to vanquish this truculent foe is to send in an army of
vast-right-wing-conspiratorial parents and grandparents. They understand
the enemy and know how to defeat it. Indeed, many of them once were that enemy.
Thus it is that I call upon every able-minded older adult who treasures
God, country and Judeo-Christian civilization to enroll in the nearest
community college, state-run university or private, elite school and sign
up for liberal-arts classes such as women s studies, sociology, English,
history and others taught by 60s retread peaceniks or just plain crackpot
commies.
Once seated in those classrooms, you mature, thick-skinned, can
t-be-buffaloed, can t-be-stampeded, B.S.-impervious grown-ups will be in
position to arise and smite every bit of pro-Marxist agitprop uttered in
the guise of instruction by the professors.
Think of how many young, impressionable intellects will be set free by
having their intractable conservative elders as comrades in arms inside
those education killing-fields. Imagine the resultant moral uplift those
kids will experience by observing right-minded Boomers and Jitterbuggers
frontally challenging academia s sick orthodoxies with irresistible
countervailing opinions and dissenting positions.
Happily, the task of quelling the campus Left may be easier than we know. I
suspect that at least some rank-and-file professors have no stomach for a
fight when their perverse teachings are assailed in a confident, competent
manner.
I base this supposition on an incident a few weeks ago that involved my
daughter. Jennifer, who attends the local college, was given an
English-comp assignment to produce an essay on the person who most
influenced her life. Naturally, she chose to write about me.
Jennifer s gentle essay heaped much praise on Daddy Dearest for my role in
making her the contented person that she is. This did not sit well with
Jennifer s English prof - a woman in her 50s, a self-avowed hippy feminist,
with a love for all things "Native American" and New Age - to whose
upside-down sensibilities the essay came across as the rant of a mentally
ill girl clearly oppressed and victimized by the patriarchal hegemony.
Grade: "non-pass."
The paper wasn t poorly written, mind you. We know this because the
professor found little to fault in the way of grammar, vocabulary,
structure and style.
But there was, scribbled in the margins, a warning to Jennifer that she had
best figure out fast "what the teacher wants" and "get with the program, or
you ll sink your own boat." Jennifer took this to mean don t write so
effusively about a man, any man, a father in particular (the same day
Jennifer received back her paper, the professor scolded the class about the
need to always use gender-neutral, inclusive and non-hurtful words like
"chair" in place of "chairman" and "womyn" rather than "woman" - or else).
The professor offered Jennifer a chance to make amends: rewrite the essay,
make it politically correct, and all will be forgiven. Fearing for her
ability to pass this class if she declined the invitation, Jennifer
prepared to alter the piece accordingly and mollify the professor.
That s where I stepped in. I counseled Jennifer to revise the piece, all
right - only this time cast it in even more pro-male terms than before and
turn it into a broadside against feminism, leftist professors and those who
generally loathe freedom.
Jennifer had that same look as a deer caught in a car s headlights.
But I managed somehow to convince her it was nobler to stand and fight for
traditional values than kowtow to villainous totalitarians like her
professor. So, with my insightful guidance, Jennifer proceeded to craft an
essay that amounted to one of the coldest slaps of conservative reality
ever served up in any lecture hall on this campus.
We figured, of course, that Jennifer would be expelled for her in-your-face
act of insubordination against the socialist order. Imagine our surprise
when the most the professor could manage in retaliation was a few
hand-drawn smiley faces on the paper, as if to say "Make Love, Not War."
New grade: "pass."
For your enjoyment, here are excerpts from the revised essay that so
effortlessly caused the raising of the white flag in this one professor s
office:
"What a guy my dad is. You d like him. He loves to rebel against rigid
social and intellectual structures.
"...And he s really good at cutting pompous people s pretensions to shreds.
For example, if a teacher said to him, Mr. Smith, you must follow the
roadmap I have laid out for you, and no deviation will be tolerated, my dad
would reply, I was wondering if you could tell the class how many jobs you
ve personally created in the last five years by following that roadmap?
"...My father showed me how to be self-assured. For example, could I write
defiantly like this if I wasn t self-assured? Could I treat the English
language like the strong, masculine, testosterone-filled thing that it is
instead of the wimpy, neutered, bottle of Prozac the pointy heads in the
ivory towers are trying to turn it into?
"My father would tell me, Jennifer, the English language is proud and
manly. When you use it, think of yourself as Zorro in a sword fight. Use it
to carve a big letter J in the shirt of anyone with a pointy head.
"Truly, I owe everything to my father. I could never repay him enough for
the years of self-sacrifice he invested in me...he saw it as his
responsibility as my father to pass along to me, his child, all of the good
things about himself that his own father passed to him. The message hasn t
changed through the generations. It s still the same. Down with the
establishment."
Sorry I haven t time to share more of what Jennifer wrote. Gotta hurry over
to the enrollment office to sign up for this same class so I can do a
little shirt-carving myself. |
