Over the past few years more money has been spent on breast implants, penis implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's. In a few years we will have a lot of people running around with huge breasts and long dicks and they won't remember what to do with them.
``````````````
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can`t. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole." The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hairspray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he puts the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hairspary, and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another
five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five
dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma."
``````````````````````````
A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies. So, this was his first time approaching a field during the nighttime. Instead of making any official requests to the tower, he
said: "Guess who?" The controller switched the field lights off and replied: "Guess where!"
`````````````````````````
Ahmed was a high ranking official in King Akbar's court. He had one long standing wish: to suckle at the voluptuos breasts of the Queen to his hearts desire. Every time he passed the queen he got frustrated. One day he revealed his desire to the King's chief advisor, Birbal, and begged him to do something which would allow him to achieve what he yearned for more than anything else in the world. Birbal, after much thought agreed on the condition that once his desire had been met, Ahmed would pay him 1000 gold coins. Ahmed agreed.
The next day Birbal prepared a high octane itching lotion and poured it
into the Queen's bra whilst she took her morning bath. Soon the itching
started and grew in intensity, and the King became very concerned
indeed. Consultations with the doctors and with Birbal to whom the
doctors reported revealed that only a special saliva applied for four
hours would cure the malady. Birbal also advised the King that, in the
whole of Arabia, only Ahmed's mouth carried this saliva.
King Akbar immediately summoned Ahmed and ordered him to apply his
special saliva to the Queens breasts for four hours and Ahmed dutifully
set to the task by licking, biting pressing and playing with her breasts for the prescribed period thus achieving his heart's desire.
Satisfied, he returned to Birbal but, to Birbals rage, refused to honour his agreement by paying him the agreed 1000 gold coins knowing, as he did that Birbal could never reveal the matter to the King. But Ahmed had underestimated Birbal. The very next day, Birbal put the same lotion into King Akbar's underwear.
The King again summoned Ahmed...
```````````````````````````````````
> Q: What do Bin Laden and Hiroshima have in common?
> A: Nothing, yet.
>
> Q: How do you play Taliban bingo?
> A: B-52...F-16...B-1...
Q: What is the Taliban's national bird?
> A: Duck
>
> Q: How is Bin Laden like Fred Flintstone?
> A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.
>
> Q: Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass bottom boats?
> A: So they can see their Air Force.
>
> Q: What does osama bin laden and General Custer have in common?
> A: They both want to know where those Tomahawks are coming from!
>
> Q: What's the five day forecast for Afghanistan?
> A: Two days.
```````````````````````````````
say what?...
Fiction writing is great. You can make up almost anything.
-- Ivana Trump, upon finishing her first novel
Traffic is very heavy at the moment, so if you are thinking of
leaving now, you'd better set off a few minutes earlier.
-- Traffic Report
Be sure and put some of those neutrons on it.
-- Mike Smith, Baseball pitcher, ordering a salad at a restaurant
These people haven't seen the last of my face. If I go down, I'm going
down standing up.-- Chuck Person, NBA Basketball player
Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public
mind.-- General William Westmoreland
The team has come along slow but fast.
-- Casey Stengel, baseball player, Mets manager
`````````````````````````````````````````
A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along, when all of a
sudden, a cat attacks them. The mother mouse goes, "BARK!" and the cat runs away. "See?" says the mother mouse to her baby. "Now do you see why it's important to learn a foreign language?"
```````````````````````````````````````````
and finally...
A Cowboy, An Indian & A Muslim
On a Greyhound bus headed who knows where, three strangers meet and
start conversing about the recent worldly events. The strangers were of
varying cultures. One was a Native American, one was a cowboy from Wyoming, and the other person was a devout Muslim.During their conversation, they began to discuss their cultural history. The Native American stated; Once my people were many, now we are few. The Muslim then chimed in and said; Once my people were few and now we are many.
The cowboy looked at the Muslim and said with a sly grin; That's cause
we ain't played cowboys and Muslims yet.
have a good weekend...
good fortune...
pops |
