U.S. ATTEMPTS TO LURE OSAMA WITH AD IN PERSONALS
Evildoer Has Not Had a Date in Months, CIA Believes
In an abrupt change in strategy, the U.S. military today announced plans to lure Osama bin Laden
out of hiding by running a torrid personal ad guaranteed to catch the al Qaeda kingpin's attention.
The ad, penned by a team of top CIA agents, aims to trap a man who, in the estimate of top
intelligence officials, has not had a date in several months.
"Quite frankly, we're betting he's as horny as a marching band," said one high-ranking CIA source.
The agency-crafted personal ad reads as follows:
"READY TO DO SOME EVIL? Hot, slender thirtysomething single female megalomaniac looking for
tall, skeletal globe-threatening madman to share the good life: hiding in caves, making spooky
videos, and jihad! No smokers, please."
The CIA has placed the ad in newspapers in Kandahar, Tora Bora and, based on a long-shot tip,
Boca Raton, Florida.
While top military brass in the U.S. are said to be bullish about their unorthodox new tactic,
terrorism expert Clark Renfield, author of a recent bestselling book about bin Laden, is openly skeptical.
"After weeks of allied bombing, Osama bin Laden is a desperate man," Renfield said. "But I don't
think he's desperate enough to respond to a personal ad."
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