Auditors admit to destruction
Big-5 Accounting firm Loni Anderson, Inc. said today its employees deliberately destroyed a number of companies while ostensibly auditing their books.
Anderson founder and CEO, buxom blonde actress Loni Anderson, said that a "significant but undetermined number" of clients had been disposed of or deleted.
"Sunbeam, Waste Management, and now Enron - these cases show how we're really able to have a huge impact on corporate financial statements," gushed Anderson, the first TV star to make the big move to the exciting world of corporate finance.
In a related development, Anderson announced that the audit and accounting firm that bears her name would change its name to Destrûctûre, Inc. Said VP in charge of Naming Stuff, buxom blonde actress Pamela Anderson, "We are very excited about paying consultants millions of dollars to invent a cool name that totally says what we're all about. And, look, it even has two cute little diacritical marks - one more than those stupid corksuckers over at Anderson Consulting, oh, excuse me, Accenture, have on their new name!"
Added Anderson's VP of Paranormal Phenomena, sultry redhead Gillian Anderson, "One of our first engagements under the new identity will be to audit the Amazon rain forest. We're going to audit that sucker down to the ground! And we at Destructure will do our utmost to ensure that the inhabitants will not be able to sell any of the trees in their 401k plans during the lengthy and fee-intensive audit and deforestation period."
Burt Reynolds is 66. |
