Anyone for a little humor?
Thought this was cute (stolen from a Yahoo board)
<<One can read this text and mentally transfer the situation to see the parallel between the taking of shares/ equity and the job.
New Age Retirement Plan January 13, 2002
As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced to
cut down on our number of personnel.
Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting
the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to
phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be
placed into effect immediately.
This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel). Employees who
are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company.
SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual
retirement takes place.
This review phase of the program is called SCREW.
SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers).
All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with
upper management.
This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination).
Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED
twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems appropriate.
If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to get:
HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP
(Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment).
As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any employee who has received
HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company.
Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on board that the
company will continue its policy of training employees through our:
Special High Intensity Training (SHIT). We take pride in the amount of SHIT our
employees receive. We have given our employees more SHIT than any company in this
area. If any employee feels they do not receive enough SHIT on the job, see your
immediate supervisor.
Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure you receive all the SHIT you can
stand.
And, once again, thanks for all your years of service with us.>> |
