A little satire I'm sure you will appreciate:
NEW YORK, Feb 11 (Rikers)-Shares of Newmont Mining Corp (NEM) fell barely 5 percent on low volume Monday after long-time pariah Prudential Securities unbelievably cut its rating of the world's largest profitable unhedged gold miner to "sell" after gold prices fell only 1%.
NEM, along with other unhedged gold miners, barely declined on relatively low volume, despite the incredible release by Prudential.
Speaking from Riker's prison, the new temporary base of operations of ethically-challenged securities influence peddler Prudential, analyst John Tumazos downgraded Newmont from "hold" because of his and top Prudential consultant Miss Cleo's concern over the company's burgeoning reserve levels, as well as the stock's recent incredible price appreciation. "We've been up for days without sleep here over here desperately attempting to rescue our underwater short position on NEM," Tumazos lamented. "Several of our firm's top clients have shorted gold and top quality unhedged gold miners prior to the recent runups. This is really about all we could come up given our increasingly untenable short position."
Tumazos continued, "We've got a goddam lot of pressure on us here, and when I'm given marching orders from G7 and JPM, you can goddam well bet I'll come up with something to appease them. We absolutely have got to come up with some way to stop the rise in gold and NEM or were gonna be toast real soon" said Tomazos from his spartanly finished cubicle.
"Some deposits that Newmont classifies as reserves or resources appear to be incredibly exploitable at even current gold prices," he wrote in a research note, "and my handlers are incredibly frightened that Newmont might reduce the hedges inherited from the Normandy acquisition and invest capital to build large mines that produce gold at tremendous profit."
Tumazos also hoped he could get away with falsifications that Newmont has a U.S. $550 million to $575 million loss on its Australian dollar-denominated gold hedges.
Harris Partners analyst Michael Fowler worries Newmont's stock price runup has much to do with a increase in gold prices, in spite of the misinformation contained in the Prudential report. "The reserve picture has increased enormously, and that isn't good news for us or other shorters of gold," he said, "I think their gains have a lot to do with increases in the price of gold, despite the voodoo spells cast by Miss Cleo, unavailable for interview due to her unkempt appearance, courtesy of the splattered chicken entrails evident in Prudentials new digs."
Bullion prices closed over $300 per ounce on Monday, after falling only briefly below the psychologically crucial $300 per ounce barrier and hitting a two-year high last week. Newmont has pending acquisitions of Normandy Mining Ltd. and Franco-Nevada Mining Corp. Ltd.
Prudential, now that it has shed any semblance of ethics and moral responsibility, is making a name for itself with independent and often ridiculous off-base stock ratings, according to industry observers. Those ratings often take the form of mindless "sell" recommendations, an increasingly frequent phenomena amongst investment firms desperate to salvage their underwater short positions in gold.
Tumazos also cut his price target on Newmont to $10 from $21, without any credible research whatsoever to back up his statements. "You've got to understand that I may very well lose my job if this strategy backfires. I have mouths to feed at home and there's not anything that I wouldn't do to save my own ass" cried Tumazos.
Shares of Newmont, the world's largest unhedged gold miner, were down only $1.16, or 4.6 percent, at $23.84 in midday New York Stock Exchange trade but were expected to recover nicely once the Japanese markets re-opened after their national holiday. |
