RE:"Axis of Evil"
ANGERED BY SNUBBING, LIBYA, CHINA, SYRIA FORM AXIS OF JUST AS EVIL
Cuba, Sudan, Serbia Form Axis of Somewhat Evil; Other Nations
Start Own Clubs
Beijing (SatireWire.com) Bitter after being snubbed for
membership in the "Axis of Evil," Libya, China, and Syria
today announced they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil,"
which they said would be way eviler than that stupid
Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of his State
of the Union address.
Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new
axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right.
They are Just as Evil... in their dreams!" declared North
Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows we're the best
evils... best at being evil... we're the best."
Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being
excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could
join the Axis of Evil.
"They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar
al-Assad.
"An Axis can't have more than three countries," explained
Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's
tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan
in the evil Axis. So you can only have three. And a secret
handshake. Ours is wicked cool."
THE AXIS PANDEMIC
International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was
swift, as within minutes, France surrendered.
Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate
status in what became a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba,
Sudan, and Serbia said they had formed the Axis of Somewhat
Evil, forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the
Axis of Occasionally Evil, while Bulgaria, Indonesia and
Russia established the Axis of Not So Much Evil Really As
Just Generally Disagreeable.
With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable
clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda
applied to be called the Axis of Countries That Aren't the
Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics;
Canada, Mexico, and Australia formed the Axis of Nations That
Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Nasty Thoughts
About America, while Spain, Scotland, and New Zealand
established the Axis of Countries That Be Allowed to Ask
Sheep to Wear Lipstick.
"That's not a threat, really, just something we like to do,"
said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.
While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't
perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval
for most axes, although he rejected the establishment of the
Axis of Countries Whose Names End in "Guay," accusing one of
its members of filing a false application. Officials from
Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.
Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis,
but privately, world leaders said that's only because no one
asked them.
--- satirewire.com |
