Darwin Awards:
TIRED AMMO
Darwin Award Nominee: Unconfirmed
1990's, United States | I heard the following at work in the gun shop.
The events described below occurred in the 1990's in the Southwest.
A small-time hood (about to be even smaller) broke into the home of
a World War Two veteran and stole, among other things, the old G.I.'s
.45 automatic pistol, which he used in battle in the 1940's.
The hoodlum reported directly to a local convenience store and proceeded
to rob the cashier while brandishing his new pistol. The cashier,
no dummy, followed orders and handed over the contents of the register.
Our thug took the money and turned to leave, but suddenly decided he
didn't want to leave a witnesses… other than the security camera,
that is. He leveled the pistol at the cashier and pulled the trigger.
"CLICK!" went the gun.
At this unexpected development, the puzzled crook looked straight
down the barrel of his weapon and uttered the words, "What the...?"
As it turned out, the WWII veteran had WWII vintage ammunition in his
WWII vintage pistol. Priming caps over time are known to lose their
"spontaneous" nature, particularly if stored improperly, causing what
is known as a hang-fire: The primer smolders into a delayed ignition.
Such was the case here.
Just as the puzzled crook had the barrel pointed squarely at his own eye,
the hang-fired primer detonated, sending a half-inch chunk of lead and
associated hot combustion gases directly into the felon's skull at 900
feet per second.
The range was less than six inches.
The body could only be identified by fingerprints.
As the story was related to me, the police officer who responded to the
original gun burglary was also at the scene of the armed robbery. He
picked up the .45 and verified the serial number, then returned it to the
WWII veteran.
Case closed.
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DEPTH OF A FISHERMAN
Darwin Award Nominee: Confirmed True
January 2002, New Zealand | A New Zealand fisherman was swept away
from the wild West Coast beaches of Auckland, New Zealand, pushed
to sea by 12-foot swells encountered after ignoring warnings of
the impending danger.
Onlookers could only look on in conditions too poor to allow for
a rescue attempt. A Surf Lifesaver reported seeing the man standing
and fishing as swells broke over his head in the wake of the oncoming
gale.
His body was recovered not far from the rocks.
He is not the first fisherman to drown recently off the West Coast
beach. Another man tied himself to the rocks to prevent being swept
away, and was drowned by the incoming tide.
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STALLED MOTORCYCLE
2002 Urban Legend
September 2001, Virginia | I work in a motorcycle shop. We see many
who have no business being behind two wheels. But the owner of
a bike brought in for service really takes the cake. The entire
front end had been ripped off, which is an odd damage pattern.
The owner offered the following tale.
He had allowed the motorcycle to sit idle for several months. When
he attempted to start it again, the wait had drained the battery.
Undeterred, he attempted to bump-start the bike. A manual-transmission
vehicle rolling with sufficient speed, popped into second gear,
will often start right up, and this is called a bump-start.
The owner lived at the top of a long hill. After a number of repeated
and unsuccessful attempts to bump-start the bike, he was left with
another problem: a stalled bike sitting at the bottom of a long incline.
The man called his girlfriend to bring her truck and tow the bike back
up the hill. A length of rope was procured. One end of the rope was
affixed to the truck's bumper, and the other was affixed to the waist
of the bike owner "riding" the stalled motorcycle up the hill.
They set off, she in her truck and he on his bike. All was well
until he chose to make one final attempt to bump-start the motorcycle.
As soon as the clutch engaged, the engine turned into a brake.
The bike stopped cold. The owner did not.
His girlfriend was blissfully unaware of what was happening behind her
and proceeded to drive to his house, dragging him slowly behind her.
Despite his injuries, he is expected to recover.
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Do Not Drink
2002 Personal Account
January 2002 | My 18-year-old cousin pulled a wonderful stunt. Davey
is not known for his stellar common sense, but he really upstaged
himself. This boy is constantly in trouble so it didn't surprise me
when I heard the details of his most recent ordeal.
My cousin, during one of his chronic underage drinking sprees, became
alarmingly convinced that he had contracted an STD from the wrong
kind of girl. He was urinating blood, and it hurt.
But instead of going to a doctor, he comes up with an eradication plan
of his own. He goes into the laundry room and picks up a bottle of bleach,
thinking, "Hey a disinfectant!"
Davey pours himself a beer/bleach cocktail. He drinks it and wonders
why his stomach starts to ache. My Uncle stumbles upon him in a stupor
and rushes him to the emergency room. Crisis averted.
In a few years, I'm sure Davey will either kill or sterilize himself!
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