Gore Loses Bid To Run ‘Shadow Government’
Subterranean Voters Give Former Veep Big Thumbs-Down
March 12 — Just days after it was revealed that there is a “shadow government” in place underground somewhere outside of Washington, D.C., former Vice-President Al Gore was trounced in his bid to become president of it.
SUBTERRANEAN VOTERS GAVE the former vice-president a scant 38 percent of the vote, with 59 percent going to Buford T. Bush, an amateur motocross competitor and a distant cousin of President George W. Bush.
Mr. Gore had campaigned aggressively for the job of Shadow President, which may have been part of the problem, underground voters said.
“If you think he’s irritating when he’s above ground, you should see what it’s like being trapped in a subterranean tunnel with him,” one voter said today. “You want to jump out a window, only there aren’t any.”
Pulling out all the stops in his fruitless campaign for Shadow President, Mr. Gore not only shaved off his infamous hippie-like beard, but also shaved his head, hoping that his new, smoother appearance might appeal to voters. But no such luck.
“You got the feeling he was trying to look like Moby or something,” one voter said. “But he wound up being a dead ringer for Uncle Fester.”
Having failed in his bid to become president of the shadow government, aides said today, Mr. Gore is expected to seek a position in the shadow private sector.
msnbc.com |
