Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil," Libya,
China, and Syria today announced they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil,"
which they said would be way eviler than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea
axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.
Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as having,
for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are Just as Evil... in their
dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows we're
the best evils... best at being evil... we're the best."
Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although
they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told
us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.
"An Axis can't have more than three countries," explained Iraqi President
Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you
had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So you can only have three.
And a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool."
International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as
within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations
rushed to gain triumvirate status in what became a game of geopolitical
chairs. Cuba, Sudan, and Serbia said they had formed the Axis of Somewhat
Evil, forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the Axis of
Occasionally Evil, while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the Axis
of Not So Much Evil Really As Just Generally Disagreeable.
With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up,
Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the Axis of
Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the
Olympics; Canada, Mexico, and Australia formed the Axis of Nations That Are
Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Nasty Thoughts About America, while
Spain, Scotland, and New Zealand established the Axis of Countries That Be
Allowed to Ask Sheep to Wear Lipstick. "That's not a threat, really, just
something we like to do," said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack
McConnell.
While wondering if the other nations of the world were serious, a cautious
President Bush granted approval for most axes, although he rejected the
establishment of the Axis of Countries Whose Names End in "Guay," accusing
one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay,
Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.
Italy, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but privately,
world leaders said that's only because no one asked them.
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