Middle East solution?
thebrainstrust.co.uk
X-BOX BRINGS PEACE TO MIDDLE EAST
In a surprise move today, Bill Gates has appeared in Gaza City to announce that Microsoft would be launching its new X-Box terminal as the solution to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. "It's clear that all these guys want to do is to kick the shit out of each other and with the new X-box console they can do it in virtual hyper-reality without leaving the comfort of their own armchairs," he boasted.
Bill Gates was taking part in a unique demonstration of the new games console featuring a networking death-kill game especially written for the X-Box entitled "Die Filthy Scum". The player has the opportunity to be either a "courageous Israeli soldier" or a "heroic Palestinian freedom fighter". Apart from the names there is no difference in either of the two characters and both are equipped with similar amounts of weapons, hate and disregard for innocent victims and children. The object of the game is to slaughter as many people from the other side as possible. Bud Crench, head games designer for Microsoft, explained the rules. "Well there aren't any really. You just try and kill everyone in the opposing camp. Although you get extra points for coming up with good excuses like 'That five year old walked towards me in a threatening manner' or 'He insulted Allah by urinating in a public convenience facing Mecca'."
Both Yasser Arafat and Ariel Sharon have welcomed the intervention of Microsoft in the conflict, although both have expressed concerns that "it just won't be the same unless you can feel the recoil of the gun against your shoulder." The effect of the launch was immediately visible in the Gaza strip. Within hours the streets were cleared and the sounds of computer generated explosions were heard from every home. Assaf Miyara, a corporal in the Israeli Forces, commented "It's great! I've already massacred 15 children and destroyed at least 30 houses with the elderly and infirm inside." From within his flat in Gaza City, Mustapha Husain, a member of Hamas agreed, "The infidels are falling like nine pins," he explained delightedly. "Look! Look at this," he yelled as a computer generated suicide bomber blew himself up in a children's party.
Within the US, the Government gave a cautious welcome to the X-Box solution, but expressed concern that the prevalence of violent games consoles now meant that teenagers were better equipped to fight a war than most soldiers. "I've got my ass whupped 15 times by this little shit," confirmed an exasperated Colin Powell after another defeat at the game "Gulf War Invasion!" by his nephew Errol. "I'm going to get Schwarzkopf and show this sucker the meaning of a Desert Storm."
Within Israel, as night settled, the few remaining peace campaigners could be seen huddled round a number of X-Boxes. "It's a new game called Peace in our Time" explained a forlorn activist looking up from the console. "But we can't seem to make it work..."
Wonder if I should post this on FADG... I think it sums up matters nicely :) |
