If Poet does hold to her resolve to leave, it will be the SI community's loss.
She had much to contribute to this venue. Whatever happens next, I wish her the best with her health and well-being.
The process can begin now for CH, myself, and Neo to be blamed on this thread for her decision to leave (if not for everything that has happened in her life). Our unwillingness (in differing degrees) to support her side of this controversy, as primarily articulated by E as her advocate, no doubt is a proximate cause for her decision to leave SI.
The controversy itself became so heated as to recently move to the level of discussing legal action. In the unlikely event that such action were to actually occur, it might involve a jury to settle the matter. If there were a jury, one of their instructions would be to leave emotions behind in reaching a verdict on the facts alone. Jury deliberations adhering to that instruction would involve discussions greatly different from those that have occurred here.
These are my thoughts on the factual issues, in light of our new information.
The communication from Poet indicates that she and CH exchanged many private messages; that while they were not sexual in nature, there was some mildly erotic content (references to nude pictures); that she viewed CH as a friend; that she shared with him many very personal and private aspects of her life, including family matters, health matters, and an episode of sexual abuse; that she revealed such things because she thought she could trust CH.
Given that these exchanges occurred in electronic PMs, one could easily (though not necessarily) conclude that this did indeed amount to the cyberspace version of a "relationship." Not all relationships are sexual in nature. I think it is fair to say that most of us who consider that we have "friends" on SI do not, and would not, reach this deeper level of revelation with such cyberspace "friends" who are anonymous. I think that period of time between CH and Poet would need a different characterization than just cyberspace friendship. And that could be "relationship." One does not have to agree with that characterization, to agree that it is a plausible interpretation ... especially plausible for one or the other of the parties involved to view it that way.
Thus, that Poet thinks there was never a relationship, while CH thinks that there was, does not fall within the venue of true or false ... truth or lying. It is eminently possible that in their minds, each is stating the "truth," and that reasonable, uninvolved persons could just as easily agree with the one's belief as with the other's.
Such a conclusion would clear CH of any blame for insisting that there once was a relationship. To a degree, it would provide a justification for CH to pursue his hopes that the relationship could be mended and restored. It would significantly soften the interpretation of his messages as constituting a "threat." Any further than that, CH begins to have culpability. Once Poet told him to stop such pursuit, he should have done so. That he did not stop, but continued the pursuit, was bad behavior, and what could legitimately be called "harassment".
As to Poet, her experiences on SI have made her the target of harassment not just this one time, but another before that. In trying to account for why, it would be reasonable to fault her for mistakes in judgment; perhaps mistakes of the heart. She was too revealing about herself. Too trusting of strangers. Too open with people she did not truly know. Not only does such intimacy make one vulnerable, but it also sends wrong signals about the nature or intent of the communications being exchanged; i.e., "where are we going with this." It makes it too possible for people to get wrong ideas.
Poet has now revealed much about herself to the SI community at large, enough so for it to be reasonable to conclude that her emotional state is fragile. Regulars on SI know well that this is a rough and tumble venue, where insults and personal attacks are commonplace. There are some protections, such as "ignore" and "moderated threads," but they fall far short of an effective shield. There are member-lurkers around whom one hears from occasionally in PMs, and they usually mention that they dare not post for fear of provoking hurtful response. This is just what SI is. It is not for everyone as a poster. Perhaps with some time and thought, Poet will be able to find a way to be part of the community, while ensuring her health and emotional well-being as the first priority in her life.
As to CH, one would hope that he reflects upon what has happened, and that he admits that he, too, has made mistakes in judgment and engaged in inappropriate behavior that has caused distress for Poet. A personal apology to her would be very much in order. |
