I would make Dan take the year off from work so we could spend time our time together and we would go to the ocean a lot, and see the boys a lot ,and I would try to stop worrying that the house is falling apart. In fact, I think I will sell the house and everything in it but my piano and my cat.
I have no illusions about leaving much to the world. Long ago on Feelings, when people were getting all incensed about big huge things, and changing things, and fighting for issues, I wrote that my only contribution would have to be my children who are good, ethical (despite their being agnostics)caring people, responsible for themselves, and my ongoing effort to not cause hurt or pain in my everyday actions.
I think a lot of harm is done in the name of overenthusiastic, opinionated good.
Last night Ammo and I were talking about dreams and he said he felt bad because he had no save the world goal, as a couple of his friends do (although they seemed to be very nebulous goals when I asked). He said he just wanted to make people smile and forget for a couple of hours with his plays or his music. I said that was as noble as any goal and not to get caught up other people's rhetoric and often impossible dreams. That for most of us the biggest difference we can make is with everyday kindness.
I would write more too- more stories for my grandchildren to come, I guess. I believe in family mythologies. |
