Well, yes.
Not the words I would have chosen necessarily. But excellent ones.
And I think you mistake the basic motivation. It was not, if I understand myself, so much a need to win at all costs, as a need to feel that I am so intelligent, witty, and charming that no woman could legitimately want to be relieved from my attentions, so that saying so, even repeatedly, was merely a goad to me to prove that I could overcome any resistance. It became a challenge to my desirability, which of course a sufficient infusion of wit and charm and cajolery and persuasion and persistence would surely succeed in overcoming.
I was, after all, brought up on the classical poets in age when it was not trite to say that "faint heart ne'er won fair lady."
Well, come to think of it, maybe that is closely related to the will to win at all costs, but it is also, I think, somewhat different. Because for all my faults, and for all the wrong ways I went about it, I really did want to get Poet back as a friend. That was, incredible as it may seem in retrospect, my underlying goal throughout.
And I do have to back off from your "wretched, lonely, and pitiable." I am certainly sad and regretful, but could not in fairness call myself wretched. I have certainly lost the respect of some whose respect I regret losing, and have damaged friendships I should not have damaged.
As to pitiable, as to whether my situation evokes or deserves pity, I will let others judge.
But your last to sentiments I can unequivocally embrace.
Yes, I ask Poet's forgiveness, but even if she cannot grant it, I can, must, and will move on.
And yes, I wish Poet -- and indeed, all of us here -- peace and happiness. |
