Ring. Ring.
AJC: Hello, Abby Joseph Cohen speaking.
Boss: Abby, this is Henry Paulson.
AJC: Oh, hi boss.
Boss: The brokers are all over my butt. Their
commission income is way down. Some of these
cowboys are looking at less than seven figures this year
and they ain’t happy.
A. J. C.: Yeah, I heard some of them screaming on the
elevator this morning.
Boss: You’ve got to do something; write a report.
AJC: But I have been writing outrageous reports for the
last two years; people are starting to doubt me.
Boss: Don’t worry about that; investors have short
memories, they forget. Heck, some of them even still
think you are a man. You know, like Abbie Hoffman. And
Joseph, why an investor called the other day and asked
what Joe Cohen thought of the market.
AJC: Okay okay, I’ll write one that says the market is
going to go up, say, five percent.
Boss: Five percent! You’ve got to be kidding; you can do
better than that.
AJC: Ten percent?
Boss: Come on, come on, catch my drift, Abby, baby.
AJC: But boss, the market is way overvalued. There’s no
way it’s going to go up even one percent.
Boss: Up, down, who cares? Do what you always do,
use your “valuation model” again.
AJC: But boss, you know there is no “valuation model”.
Boss: You know that, I know that, but our dim-witted
investors don’t know that! Besides, don’t forget, the
commission pie has a slice or two in it for the analysts,
too.
AJC: Oh, you mean that “valuation model”. |
