Baby pictures
The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided
to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day
the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife
and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon".
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby
photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning madam. I've come to......"
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you,"
Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made
a specialty of babies."
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in
and have a seat."
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub,
one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes
the living room floor is fun too....you can really spread
out!"
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for
Harry and me."
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time.
But if we try several different positions and I shoot from
six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the
results."
"My, my, that's a lot of ..! ! ." gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd
love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be
disappointed with that, I'm sure."
"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith muttered. The photographer
opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
baby pictures.
"This was done on the top of a bus."
"Oh my god!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her
handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you
consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult ?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park
to get the job done right. People were crowding around four
and five deep, pushing to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in
amazement.
"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three
hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and
yelling - I could hardly concentrate! Then darkness
approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it
all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed
on your um...equipment ?"
"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up
my tripod so that we can get to work"
"Tripod??
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's
much too big for me to hold very long. Madam? Madam?...
..Good Lord, she's fainted!! |
