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Is Martha a diversion from the bigger fish that should be fried?
By Martin Heldt
Online Journal Contributing Writer
June 29, 2002—Martha Stewart should have known she was in trouble when her guest tore off the shrimp's head and then sucked the tiny beast's legs off.
"They're quite edible," he said as we cringed.
My wife and I witnessed that taste treat just last week, when Congressman Billy Tauzin, a Republican, was a guest of Martha's TV program.
This week the Louisiana congressman is hosting Martha (through her lawyers) as he investigates allegations of insider trading against the too-good-to-be-true Stewart.
I wonder, has Billy ever had Dick Cheney or Thomas White over for some Cajun-style BBQ shrimp?
Maybe its time he extends a little Southern hospitality and invites them to appear before the House Energy and Commerce Committee he chairs. As vice president and secretary of the Army of the USA, they'd be better cuts to grill than the pale Martha.
Like Ms Stewart, Dick Cheney is already being investigated by the Securities Exchange Commission. They are digging into how $100 million was juggled through questionable accounting tricks while Dick was CEO at Haliburton.
Billy might want to ask Dick about that. He might also ask about the 10,000 plus employees who lost their jobs as a result of Dick's incredibly bad business decision to merge with a firm liable for millions in asbestos related lawsuits. And, while he has Dick's attention, Rep Tauzin might bring up those pre-Enrongate ads the VP made extolling Arthur Andersen's good advice. I wonder does the vice president still cherish Andersen's advice like Tauzin savors hot sauce?
However, while Cheney is certainly grillable, there's no one quite as ready for the shish-kabob as Secretary of the Army White.
Mr White—as few of us have heard due to White House secrecy involving the war on terror—was the number two man at Enron Energy Services. This is the Enron division believed to have hidden more than $500 million in losses.
But it's not that mountain of juggled debt that I want Congressman Tauzin to stir, I want him to explore how White fooled Wall Street investment analysts into thinking Enron was a good place for you and I to place our nest eggs.
In what can only be called a confidence game, White took over an entire floor of Enron's Houston headquarters and filled it with computer monitors, desks and telephones. Then, when business analysts were in town for a tour, Mr. White would sound the alert for every idle clerk, secretary and gopher to dash to the "trading floor," pick up a phone, and act as if they were all-too busy selling energy.
I'd love to be invited to that BBQ. I think Martha might even have a few tips for me on what to bring as a gift.
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