What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?
Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.
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What’s the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche with two lawyers riding in it?
A porcupine has pricks on the outside.
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What is the difference between a vulture and a lawyer?
The vulture eventually lets go.
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A lion in the London zoo was lying in the sun licking its arse when a visitor turned to the
keeper and said, "that's a docile old thing isn't it?"
"No way," said the keeper, "its the most ferocious beast in the zoo. Why just an hour ago it
dragged a lawyer into the cage and completely devoured him."
"Hardly seems possible" said the astonished visitor, "but why is it lying there licking its arse?"
"The poor thing is trying to get the taste out of its mouth."
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What’s the difference between a cat and a lawyer?
One is an arrogant creature who will ignore you and treat you with contempt unless it can get
something out of you. The other is a house pet.
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What’s black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A doberman pinscher.
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Two tigers were walking single file along a jungle trail. The rearmost tiger wandered off the
trail for a few minutes, then reappeared. A few moments later, the front tiger felt what
seemed to be the other tiger’s tongue, applied just below his tail. The tiger disapproved of
this action, but didn’t want to start anything by bringing it up. Then the tiger felt the tongue
again, and in the same place. He decided to confront the tiger behind him, and asked, “Did
you just lick me twice in the butt?” That tiger replied, “Yes, sorry about that. I just ate a
lawyer and was trying to get the taste out of my mouth.”
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What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
One is a bottom-dwelling, garbage-eating scavenger. The other is a fish.
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Why is going to a meeting of the Bar Association like going into a bait shop?
Because of the abundance of suckers, leeches, maggots and nightcrawlers.
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“A country man between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.”
-- Benjamin Franklin
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What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
The lawyer charges more.
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What is the difference between a vulture and a lawyer?
The vulture doesn’t get Frequent Flyer Miles.
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Why are lawyers like beavers?
They get in the mainstream and dam it up.
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Why are there so many lawyers in the U.S.?
Because St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland.
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What is the difference between a vulture and a lawyer?
The vulture doesn’t take its wing-tips off at night.
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A lawyer walked into a bar and sat down. The bartender looked up and noticed what looked
like a frog growing out of the side of the side of the lawyer’s head. The bartender looked at
the lawyer and said "Oh, my goodness -- how did such an awful thing happen?" Before the
lawyer could say anything, the frog spoke up and said, "Well, it started off as a small wart on
my fanny and it grew into this awful thing."
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull?
Lipstick.
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What do lawyers and bullfrogs have in common?
Both have a big head that consists mostly of mouth.
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A man took a trip out West after a harrowing divorce proceeding. He stopped in a bar, and
after a few drinks stated to no one in particular, “Lawyers are horses’ asses.”
Hearing this, one of the locals spoke up: “Mister, watch what you say. You’re in horse
country.”
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What’s the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
The tick drops off when you are dead.
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What is the difference between a poisonous snake and a lawyer?
You can make a pet out of the snake.
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The judicial process is like a cow. The public is impaled on its horns, the government has it
by the tail, and all the while the lawyers are milking it.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
To practice.
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How can you tell the difference between a dead snake and a dead lawyer lying on the
highway?
There are skid marks in front of the snake.
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Do you know why a rattlesnake will not bite a lawyer?
Professional courtesy!
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A blind rabbit and a blind snake ran into each other on the road one day. The snake reached
out, touched the rabbit and said, "you're soft and fuzzy and have floppy ears. You must be a
rabbit." The rabbit reached out, touched the snake and said "you're slimy, beady-eyed and
low to the ground. You must be a lawyer." |
