A true story ( truth is generally less agree able than fiction).
It begins innocently enough with a phone call from your sister: 'Can you watch Joshua tomorrow? I have some stuff I have to do.'
Joshua is five and a sterling representative of that age group so it is not with complete eagerness and joy you say yes. Still he can be fun at times in the right circumstances.
On Joshua's arrival you discover circumstances are not exactly right for fun. Your sister whispers to you: " They are giving a free tetanus shot at the hospital and I signed up Joshua. Don't worry though, he won't give you any problems I told him he is going to get a vaccination and he doesn't know what that is."
Sis promptly vanishes with the polished skill of a parent who knows they have shafted the baby sitter, leaving you to contemplate Joshua when he discovers that vaccination equals shot. The best course seems to be get it over with and continue misleading Joshua for as long a possible (hopefully deluding him right up to the moment the needle hits home).
"Come on Joshua lets go get your vaccination and then since we will be down town we will get some ice cream."
Joshua's focus remains fixed on ice cream specifically how he wants a 'Triple Mountain Scooper' which is the speciality of the local ice cream parlor and contains about 15 gallons of ice cream, far more than Joshua can ever eat. You always end up overdosing on a 'Triple Mountain' trying to finish off his order. So the ride has as a topic, how he doesn't need a 'Triple Mountain' because he can't eat it and this time he is sure he can eat it all.
The line to get his vaccination goes well right up until he sees a youngster of his age get his vaccination. As Joshua realizes the extent of his delusions about 'vaccination' you make your second mistake. You turn to point out how small the needle is losing sight of Joshua, he disappears. [Your first mistake was forgetting to hand cuff him. His wrist is too small to be held in cuffs and to avoid a shot he would gnaw it off anyway but he can be held, if firmly cuffed about the neck.]
After 20 minutes of searching you find Joshua's hiding place under a table holding magazines. As you pull him out his anguished cries would move anyone but a Simon Legree. Having done a few dozen scenes like this over the past couple of years however you find yourself adopting the Legree persona quite naturally.
"Come on Joshua you have to do this."
"No! No! No! I don't want to die!"
"A shot won't kill you."
"It will! I have little arms. The needle is too big!"
(Through gritted teeth): "It is a small needle you are not going to die from a shot."
"I will! I am too little!"
"Look you might die if you don't get this shot."
"Let me die!"
This fun with a hysterical five year old only lasts for 20 minutes while you stand in line, tightly gripping his arm to prevent a further escape. Then comes the fun moment of the injection. Joshua who has endured his sentence to this point stoically standing quietly while screaming now begins twisting. Twisting, shaking, quivering, and squirming with all the agility in his young body.
"Stop squirming!"
"I can't, he is going to hurt me."
"It won't hurt that much, it will hurt more if you move."
"It can't hurt more!" [As this exchange continues you can't help but note that you are saying the exact words your parents used to say to you to get you to take shots. And you recall your innocent fear when you were certain that shots were the worst a doctor could do to you, (a state of bliss that lasted until your 20's and you got your first prostate exam).]
"OOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!
After 20 minutes of howling at the top of the decible scale Joshua lapses slowly in silence. A memory is coming back.
"Can I have a 'Triple Mountain' cause I was so brave about getting the vassination?"
You decide what the Hell, you can always use a couple of gallons of Joshua's leftover ice cream yourself after the 'vassination' ordeal. However on arrival you discover you didn't bring enough money. Now you can reason with a five year old.
Joshua with the inborn skill of his age group adapts instantly to the situation. His eyes swell forming giant the limpid 'Bambi' eyes of the truly stricken. His face gains an expression of pain and agony that would break a statues heart. "I got that shot cause I am going to die and I don't get ice cream?"
As you start to explain you can afford anything short of a 'Triple Mountain', fate intervenes. An elderly woman hears him.
"This poor child got a shot because he is dying? Oh my Heavens." She places a hand on Joshua's shoulder and says," Now child you just go over there and order whatever you want."
Joshua dashes for the counter with the happy cry of one who has discovered a sucker, leaving you to contemplate a formative lesson going down the drain. So you walk over to Joshua at the counter, you have to do something.
You whisper "Joshua, you get that 'Triple Mountain' with extra fudge." |
