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Strategies & Market Trends : Stock Attack II - A Complete Analysis

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To: dennis michael patterson who wrote (38854)8/9/2002 7:46:31 PM
From: Captain Jack  Read Replies (1) of 52237
 
Dennis ~~OT~~

Please note the following new financial terms definitions in the light of
current economic challenges. These definitions will be incorporated in the
Allan Greenspan and the Senate Banking Committee Beige Book, as well as in
the new upcoming SEC regulations.

EBITDA: earnings before I tricked damn auditor.
EBIT: earnings before irregularities and tampering.
CEO: chief embezzlement officer.
CFO: corporate fraud officer.
NAV: normal Anderson valuation.
FRS: fantasy reporting standards.
P/E: parole entitlement.
EPS: eventual prison sentence.
BULL MARKET-A random market movement causing an investor to mistake
himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET-A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the
wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no .
MOMENTUM INVESTING-The fine art of buying high and selling low.
VALUE INVESTING-The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO-The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market
keeps crashing.
BROKER-What my broker has made me.
"BUY, BUY"-A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step
off the plane.
STANDARD & POOR-Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST-Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT-When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally
between themselves.
MARKET CORRECTION-The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW-The movement your money makes as it disappears.
YAHOO-What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per
share.
WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker that bought
Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR-Past year investor who's now locked up in a
nuthouse.
PROFIT-Religious guy who talks to God
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