REQUIEM FOR COMMON SENSE
Today we mourn the passing of an old friend, by the
name of Common Sense.
Common Sense lived a long life but died in
the United States from
heart failure on the brink of the new millennium.
No one really knows how
old he was, since his birth records were long ago
lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He selflessly devoted his life to service in
schools, hospitals, homes,
factories helping folks get jobs done without
fanfare and foolishness.
For decades, petty rules, silly laws, and frivolous
lawsuits held no power
over Common Sense. He was credited with
cultivating such valued lessons
as to know when to come in out of the rain, why the
early bird gets the worm, and that life isn't always fair.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial
policies (don't spend more than you earn),
reliable parenting strategies (the adults are in charge,
not the kids), and it's okay to come in second. A
veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression, and
the Technological Revolution,
Common Sense survived cultural and
educational trends including body piercing, whole
language, and "new math." But his health declined
when he became infected with the
"If-it-only-helps-one-person-it's-worth-it" virus.
In recent decades his waning strength proved no
match for the ravages of well intentioned but overbearing
regulations. He watched in pain as
good people became ruled by self-seeking lawyers.
His health rapidly deteriorated when schools endlessly
implemented zero-tolerance policies.
Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual
harassment for kissing a classmate, a teen suspended
for taking a swig of mouthwash after lunch,
and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly
student only worsened his condition.
It declined even further when schools
had to get parental consent to administer aspirin
to a student but could not inform the parent
when a female student was pregnant or wanted an
abortion.
Finally, Common Sense lost his will to live as the
Ten Commandments became contraband,
churches became businesses, criminals received better
treatment than victims, and federal judges stuck
their noses in everything from the Boy Scouts to professional
sports.
Finally, when a woman, too stupid to realize that a steaming cup of
coffee was hot, was awarded a huge settlement, Common
Sense threw in the towel.
As the end neared, Common Sense drifted in and out
of logic but was kept informed of developments
regarding questionable regulations such as
those for low flow toilets, rocking chairs, and
stepladders.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents,
Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter,
Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by two stepbrothers: My Rights, and Ima
Whiner.
Not many attended his funeral because so few
realized he was gone. |
