Orange is the color of ...the national alert:
Anyone not listening to Ashcroft and Ridge? Certain South Asian embassies have been closed, diplomatic personnel evacuated, troops on alert, locked & loaded as we all should be, especially the loaded part.
The credible intelligence info, reviewed by lotsa folks, suggests attacks on symbols of US power and security may occur (bases, embassies, national monuments), plus power plants, esp in Asia and the Middles East, with possible 'unsophisticated' attacks by random cells, anyplace.
Says they've been stockpiling explosives since January for this anniversary.
Says we should review our emergency procedures and be on alert, but don't cancel travel or normal activities.
Since I've yet to get any practical instruction from the government on how to deal with WMDs, I've taken the time to study up, so I can pass on the little I know:
1) Absolutely DO NOT attempt to intervene with any suspicious individuals or groups in trucks marked "Truck bomb on board"
2) Don't wear purple; it clashes with orange and could confuse the recently informed.
3) If everyone around you starts clutching at their throats and collapsing, immediately stop breathing, until Tom Ridge says it's okay again.
4) Report any suspicious mushroom clouds or sudden bursts of temperature in excess of 2000 degrees to the nearest military authorities.
5) Practice safe sex: use a lead condom wrapped with Saran Wrap, in a bunker 3 miles beneath the earth's surface.
6) Be an example to others and make a conscious effort to not die. Dying could demoralize others, so don't be tempted to take the easy way out.
7) Deal forcefully with this century's band of peg-legged, parrot-toting, sword-waving, rum-swilling, sea-chanty-singing, tribute-extorting, blood-thirsty, black-hearted, eye-patch-wearing, smelly-underwear-clad, ruthless, lying, cowardly brigand bastards. If you seem them, yell at the top of your lungs "Foo on you!" and by all means, share none of your after-dinner tarts with them. |
